More than i can chew

Well, CX season is here and well underway, and i have to admit i may have bitten off more than i can chew, but i'm enjoying it nonetheless.  Last year after i managed to get used to my prosthetic leg and figured out how to unclip and dismount i did a few races in the 35+C category.  This year i thought i'd up my game a little and challenge myself and so i registered to race in the 35+A division. If you're thinking, "boy Matt, that's pretty ambitious of you," you are right.  I may have envisioned being much faster than i actually am.  I was a little realistic, however, in that my primary goal has been to not come in last place, and so far i have managed to meet that particular goal, but not by much.
At the first race of the season i knew there was a pretty good chance there was someone else, who like me, had overestimated their speed and abilities and mistakenly signed up for the 35+A category when they were in fact better suited for the Bs.  Sure enough, there was one other rider who was slower than me, and i came in second to last.  You can only count on this happening one time, however, as that rider will usually downgrade to a slower race category.  So the next day of the double cross weekend i took my place at the line, and was quickly dropped on the first lap when i had a mind meltdown coming into the barriers the first time and unclipped my wrong foot first and lost time trying to get my prosthetic unclipped.  This race i was saved from the uncoveted DFL when half way through the first lap my foot sole came unglued from the prosthetic foot and i had to pull out.  I was disappointed, however, because last place or not, i wanted to race.

The 3rd race up at Ft. Buenaventura proved to be my best performance so far, as i came in 3rd from last (not counting a couple of guys who dropped out).  Yes, i was able to hold off an attack from skibikejunkie on the last lap when he dropped his chain on some bumps around a tight corner and hold onto 3rd to last place (we had also passed stupidbike Bob who was doing his second race of the day, went out strong, then faded).

This last weekend up at Weber Co. Fairgrounds, i came in 4th from last thanks to mechanicals for my brother the artist (who snapped his derailleur hanger half way through the first lap) and Mike P.  Matt O. also faded about half way through the race, so i was able to pass him as well.

So, for the time being, i have still met my goal of not finishing DFL.  We still have eight races to go, so i hope that i can actually improve on my performance a little, but dang, those 35A guys are fast.  The Glenn Brothers are always talking about how they don't get any time to train, but i don't know how they are so stinking fast without training when i'm training my ass off and can barely hang onto the caboose of each race. 

At any rate, i'm excited this week to race at Wheeler Farm, because if there is such thing as a "home court," this is it.  Since it's only a few miles from my house it's where i usually go during the week to train.  I don't know if that means a whole lot in terms of real advantage, but here's to hoping.  I'm also excited for this weekend because it's the 2nd annual Cross out Cancer event.  Last year we raised almost $30,000 for the Livestrong foundation, and of course this year our goals are even bigger.  Looks like the weather is going to be perfect, so, bring the family out and help raise money for the fight against cancer.  I'm even more excited this year as well because the proceeds will be split between the Livestrong Foundation and the Huntsman Cancer Institute, which you know if you've read my blog for any time, is very dear to me personally. With the exception of the intern who didn't get my epidural right when i had my amputation, i have nothing but good to say about the great staff and doctors at Huntsman.

Maybe you're thinking, "i want to support this event, but i don't want to race," or "i want to support this event, but i'm a runner, not a cyclist."  Well, lucky for you, there are three options that are still available to you:

Option 1:  just go online and donate.  you can make a donation to my personal fundraising goals here at my page with the Huntsman Cancer Institute:

Option 2: If you want to ride a bike, but don't want to race, you can participate in the "fun ride" at 1:20.   This is a non-competitive ride on the race course with the specific goal of raising funds for Huntsman and Livestrong.  Bring your mountain bike down and take an easy lap.  You can register for the fun ride at the UTCX website. 

Option 3: And finally, for you runners who don't want to ride a bike, but still want to participate, we'll kick off the morning with a 5K at 8:00 am.  You can register for the 5k at the UTCX website as well.

There will also be a silent auction in the barn at Wheeler Farm thoughout the day, so come down and have a good time while helping fight cancer on a beautiful fall day.

How to beat cancer and use your ankle for a knee all at once!

Just came across this story on KSL about some incredible young people beating cancer and the cool rotationplasty surgery my oncologist Doc Jones has been performing. I had the opportunity to meet Echo (the amazing little girl featured in this story) a few weeks back and have all the respect in the world for her and for Doc Jones.

Video Courtesy of KSL.com

Someone you know

I've often heard the expression, someone you know and love will be affected by cancer. My sister was diagnosed with a brain tumor about ten years ago and an aunt and another good family friend were both taken by breast cancer, so i figured that took care of the quota for the Bradleys. Seems lately, however, like cancer keeps raising it's nefarious little head just about everywhere i look. Last night i attended the Honors College Annual Awards Banquet, where scholarship recipients and seniors who are graduating with Honors are recognized. As i left the banquet i walked out with one of the graduating seniors who had taken my writing class 3-4 years ago. We struck up a conversation, i congratulated him for graduating, and he mentioned it would have been a year earlier, but he had been diagnosed with cancer, and so had to take a year off for the chemo treatments. This young man is only 24 years old. I smiled, showed him my prosthetic leg, and we shared that moment of solidarity knowing for the time being, we had kicked cancer's ass!! I walked to my car and enjoyed the sunsetting over the great salt lake out over the west end of the valley.

Recently T-dub's step mom Cort was also diagnosed with ovarian cancer (on top of Tayler's mom who also had cancer; yea, the list just keeps going on and on). She had a hysterectomy this week, and fortunately there weren't any signs of other tumors beyond the cyst they had removed a month or so ago. They're waiting for biopsies to determine the best chemo regiment, but things are hopeful. So Congratulations Cort!! Like you told me the first time i saw you after your diagnosis, you're going to kick some cancer ass and be a survivor!! You're in my family's thoughts and prayers!

Love in Action

Although this summer has been marked by a number of tragedies and challenges, i am always inspired and amazed by the ways in which our communities step up in meaningful and beautiful ways to support each other. This weekend i was privileged to be apart of and witness this more than once. First off, friday evening and early saturday morning was the Run for Bun silent auction/dinner and 5k run. It was great to see so many people come out to the dinner and run to remember Bunny and celebrate her life and all that it represented.

Clare did not win the bike ride, but gets props for being brave and riding her bike and continuing where her mom left off.

First off was the kids' 1 k bike ride. All i gotta say is do not get in the way of Bryson and Summer's kids, cuz they have a competitive streak from here to the far side of Timbuktu, and as cute as they are, they will not hesitate to run you over if you get in their way. They even competed in both the bike ride and the 5k. Check them out in the pic below (in the matching jerseys) leading out the 5k run.

A bunch of the girls from Luke's office donned bunny ears and tails and matching pink socks for the run.

T-dub and Dr. A with Ridley at the beginning of the 5k.

Vero, T-dub, Ridley, Me, Bunny, and Dr. A.

My goal was to walk the 5k, even though i've only had my prosthetic leg for a week. Earlier in the week KSL came out and did this story about the Run for Bun and my goal to complete it.

Video Courtesy of KSL.com

With some great company (thanks Vero, T-dub, Dr. A, and Lu who finished then came and found us), we took a slow pace and i managed to finish in about an hour and 15 minutes. I know that's about an hour slower than the guys who came in first, but turns out i won the "one legged category."

Crossing the "finish line."

Of course, this all couldn't have happened without the incredible energy, time, and efforts of many of Bunny's friends, family, and supporters. I don't know everyone who was involved, so i apologize for not thanking everyone, but i do know that both the dinner and run happened largely due to the efforts of Jenna and the bake-a-holic who put the race together. All the more amazing considering how quickly they pulled everything together and that Jenna just had a baby three weeks ago. Well done ladies!!

No. 4 loves her dad, but she's still not too sure about R3.

After the Run for Bun, i had the opportunity to go to a little league football game for my compadre Daniel. This wasn't just any little league game, however, this was again, a wonderful demonstration of community support and love for Daniel and his wife Katy who is fighting her second bout with breast cancer. When i got to the park at first i was a little unsure how i was going to find Daniel as there were four or five games going on simultaneously. It didn't take long, however, all i had to do was look for the pink.

In a beautiful act of support and solidarity with the Argueta family, the whole team wore pink socks and custom jerseys with pink highlights and the name Argueta on the back of the jerseys (i have to admit i'm a little slow on the uptake and at first thought, "dang, all of Daniel's kids, cousins, and relatives must play on this team, look how many Arguetas there are"). The fans and coaches wore pink t-shirts, the yard markers on the field were painted pink, and pink ribbons and balloons were tied around the park. Again, this all happened because of the love, time, energy, and concern of those who are a part of Daniel and Katy's community, and as Daniel told me, sometimes it's easy to feel alone when confronted with these types of challenges, but acts such as these certainly show us that there are many people around us who do care for and support us.


Despite the challenges Daniel's own family is going through with Katy's condition and the cancer's spread throughout her body, Daniel has always offered his love and support for me through my own little bout with cancer, and to him I am grateful and extend my love. As i've said before, although cancer took my foot, i feel like a "cancer survivor" poser when compared to the trials that others face and the toll cancer takes on their lives and families. Most importantly however, this weekend really illustrated for me how much the little thoughts and actions matter. This is of course something that has been on my mind a lot since Bunny's death and my diagnosis with cancer (because i appreciate all the little things people do for me), but was really highlighted when i had the opportunity to go and support Daniel. Sometimes it seems like a hassle or bother to go and do something like this, but i know it meant a lot for Daniel and for me it was equally fulfilling to have him put his arms around me, thank me for coming and tell me he loved me. Daniel's actions inspired me to tell my own brother Luke that i love him, something i don't think i've ever done.


This weekend also marked two months since my amputation and one week since i've had R3 to help me get around. After the football game i celebrated by going mountain biking with the artist and a few other friends.


I was pretty slow both going up and down. Going up because i just don't have the muscles in my right leg right now and going down because i don't have full weight bearing on my right leg, so i cant' stand over both pedals to get a good center of balance (though i've always been a lousy descender, so now i'm all that much worse). It was great to ride, however, and thanks to everyone who didn't mind riding at a gimp's pace. Even though i'm slow, it helps me to feel some sense of normality to be able to do the things i love.

Righty (or at least Righty's Robot Replacement) rides again!

So wednesday I saw Doc Jones who, after checking the CT scan to make sure that the bone bridge in my residual leg was healing up well, gave the green light to get fit for my first prosthetic leg. Thursday i went and saw Joe at Peak Prosthetics who cast a mold of my leg so friday i could go back and get fit. Friday between classes T-dub and I went back and Joe set me up with my very first robot leg.


It felt great to be able to walk again, though it will definitely take a little bit of time to get used to. The sensation is a little weird since the weight bearing for the leg now is on what's left of my calf, or more accurately the sides of my calf, as it sits in the socket. That, combined with the flex in the carbon fiber prosthetic foot, kind of make it feel like i'm walking on a trampoline (just not quite as bouncy). Well, walking on a trampoline with one foot, while walking on solid ground with the other, but it's great to be transitioning back to walking and functioning on that level again.

The other simple pleasures that i enjoyed being able to do again are standing and balancing on both legs, and being able to cross my legs. Sounds crazy, but i haven't crossed my left leg over my right for months and to do so was surprisingly satisfying.

First Steps!!

My stump (which T-dub has nicknamed "wade" because she hates calling it a stump) is still a bit tender and sensitive and not accustomed to the pressure of the prosthesis, so it will take a little time to work into being able to walk with a regular gait. For the time being i'm still using one crutch to take off some of the pressure, but it feels great to be walking, and cycling with both legs is even better.

First Ride!!

As soon as we got home friday afternoon we grabbed the bikes and went out for a spin. We're going to have to make a few adjustments to the prosthesis, mainly cutting the back of the socket down behind the knee so it doesn't rub, but overall, pedaling with both legs was great. Again, it's going to take some getting used to, it feels kind of big and clunky and i have a heck of a time unclipping with my right foot (had to take my leg off on one occasion to unclip), but i rode friday, saturday, and sunday, and with each day it felt a little better. Once i get my permanent prosthesis that will hopefully be a little lighter and smaller (around the calf) i think that will help as well. Sunday i got in a little over two hours and 40+ miles with T-dub, my anonymous friend, DDB, and SLC's greatest muralist, and i only tipped over once. Fortunately it was in the grass as we were taking a short cut to get back to a road from the Legacy Parkway and my chain came off. With no tension or momentum i just kind of fell over since i couldn't unclip the right side. Got to work on that!

T-dub, Dr. A., and DDB out for a spin.

This weekend also marked the first race of the Utah Cyclocross series. I rode down to the Draper Equestrian Center Saturday morning with T-dub, then spent most of the rest of the day announcing the races with Bruce B. Although it was weird and a saddened me a bit to ride up to the race knowing that i wasn't racing, especially when i got there and saw everyone warming up, it was still great to be involved and announce the races with Bruce and be on the action a little.


Mark "marlboro" P-Nacky has a new secret training supplement that he's kept on the DL, but i caught this pic of him trying to get a hand up mid-race. Judging by the results, i'm not going to recommend this particular supplement.


The artist came into this race with the lofty goal of not finishing last in his division (men's 35+A). He managed to achieve that castle in the sky ambition by coming in a whole six places from last and only three places down from the notorious MIB (aka the Law Firm of Glenn and Glenn). But lest some think i'm making fun of the artist for setting his goals so high his smallest daughter could step over them without much trouble, i can assure you i'm not because i did, in fact, come in last place in the men's 35+A division last year on a number of occassions when i still had two legs.

My goal for this CX season is simply to race. I don't really have any goals as far as results, hell, i don't even know which category i'm going to race yet. And given the trouble i've had just trying to unclip from my pedal and my total lack of significant training (my right leg looks like a skinny chicken leg right now), this is going to take a bit of work and creative adjustment, but i am determined to race before the season ends. This is true from my brother, the fashionista, as well, who was feeling rather bad this week after he and the artist went out for some CX training and the artist told him he wasn't ready yet, and maybe should keep practicing for a few weeks before he raced.

Skinny, little, chicken leg!

My other more immediate goal is to complete the Run for Bun 5k this upcoming saturday. I imagine i'll have to do it with crutches, but 5k seems pretty manageable. And if you haven't registered for the Run for Bun Dinner & Silent Auction this coming friday night (Oct. 8), or the Family 5k Run/Walk this coming Saturday (Oct. 9), you still have time to do so, but get on it now. Click the link below to register and bring the whole family.

My new love for two basic home and office furnishings

As you may recall, the second week after my surgery i started to get phantom pains. In the past few weeks i've done a little more research about phantom limb pain (or PLP as it is often referred to in the medical literature) and discovered that there aren't too many other theories for what causes the pain any better than the two i offered in my initial discussion of the topic. When it comes right down to it, nobody really know what causes it, though the neurologist Dr. Ramachandran from the University of California, San Diego, has developed some interesting theories and techniques for treating PLP. Dr. Ramachandran's theory is that the pain is not caused by frayed or bruised nerve endings or damage in any way to the nerve endings at all (as many previously thought), but rather is created in the mind because of the confusion the brain experiences after the loss of the limb due to a lack of input from the now amputated body part (my layman's understanding of complex neurosciencific theories). It's all kind of crazy. For example, the sensory areas on the brain for the hand and face are right next to each other, so some people with arm amputations can feel phantom sensation on the hand if you touch them on the face. Check out the clips from this BBC documentary on Ramachandran and phantom limb sensations.





So that brings me to one of my new favorite furnishings: a big, long mirror. I've started using mirror therapy to treat my phantom pain. Although i've only been doing it for about a week, it seems to be slowly working.


It's bizarre, even though i mentally understand that my right leg has been amputated, when i watch myself perform the exercises in the mirror, i can feel every movement of my missing right foot as i watch the reflection of my left leg moving in the mirror. I haven't had the immediate relief that some amputees who suffered from PLP experience, but i have noticed a slight relief of the phantom pains over the past couple of days. I should clarify, that before starting the mirror therapy the PLP had transitioned from the short, but brutally sharp pain that i initially experienced to a more persistent and blunt pain. Rather than feeling like someone quickly shoved a knitting needle through my foot, it feels like someone is slowly pushing a ball point pen through the top of my foot. Every night the same pain starts in the same spot. It doesn't bother me much during the day, presumably because my brain is active and occupied with other stuff, but near the end of the day when i start to slow down, and most specifically when i lie down to go to sleep, the pain can become quite distracting. Most research on mirror therapy suggests that it requires 4-5 weeks of daily practice to alleviate or lessen the pain, so i'm hopeful that as i continue to give it a go the PLP will disappear. And although there isn't a lot of research on mirror therapy yet, initial studies, including one conducted by Dr. Jack Tsao at Walter Reed Hospital with amputee veterans from Iraq and Afghanistan suggest that mirror therapy is one of the most effective treatment methods, so i'm optimistic.



Given the simplicity of the treatment for potentially debilitating pain, i'm a big fan of the End the Pain Project, which is dedicated to providing unbreakable mirrors and small "toolkits" to people around the world who have lost a limb as a result of landmines, war, and disease. If all it takes to relieve or alleviate what can be a quite miserable pain is a $15 mirror and a month of daily exercises, this is one of the cheapest and simplest treatments for pain available.

So now on to my other new favorite furnishing: roller-wheel office chairs. A few of the classrooms i teach in on campus are furnished with roller chairs. These make for a great interim prosthetic. I can kneel on the chair and roll around the classroom, from the white board to students working in small groups and back. It's crazy how much simple pleasure even being able to move around in this way provides. There is a great satisfaction in being able to take all the pressure off my left leg and distribute it more evenly between both legs. I can't wait for a regular prosthetic.


Only about a week and a half until i get to go back and see Doc Jones again. He'll do a CT scan on my leg, and if everything looks good, give the go ahead to get fit for an initial prosthesis. I told Joe at Peak Prosthetics that if Doc Jones gives the green light, i'll be heading straight to Joe's office to get fit so he can get going on the prosthetic. He indicated it should only take about a day after he does the measurements to get it made, so with any luck i'll have my new "robot leg" (as my nephew Cassman likes to call it) before the end of the month. Can't wait!!

And finally, i leave you with a message provided by Cousin Todd and his wife Tracy who sent me a couple of T-shirts. This one is my favorite:

Phantom Pain: two theories

Before my surgery many folks warned me about the phantom pains and itches that often follow an amputation. Many medical practitioners also told me about specific techniques (such as an epidural) that can help limit these phantom pains. Many medical practitioners also told me that phantom pains tend to be worse in patients who had pain in the amputated limb prior to the amputation. Since i hadn't had a whole lot of pain in my foot besides the pathological fracture and the incision from the two surgeries, and my docs seemed to know what they were doing, i wasn't too worried about it. I mean, a small incision is nothing compared to having your leg smashed between two cars or blown off by an IED.
Well, i've already shared that the epidural didn't work. Immediately as i realized the epidural wasn't working i began to fear that this meant i would have increased phantom pain. Even as i lay there in the post-op recovery room taking deep breaths between monosyllabic pleas to the nurses to do something, my main thought was, "this is going to make the phantom pains worse, damnit!"

The first week after the surgery i had plenty of phantom itches, but no pain. I could deal with the itches, they were annoying, to have that little itch right there on the side of my pinky toe, but in fact have no toe to itch, but they weren't too bothersome, and most significantly, they weren't painful. I was even happy to tell people, "nope, no phantom pains for me."
But then, during the second week after the surgery they started: short, sharp, and painful. i described some of them to the artist and he did this rendition for me.

Pretty accurate, the only thing he missed was to add a bunch of little devils poking the foot in the flames with sharp tridents. Or my least favorite: the sensation that my big toe is being held in a vice grip and simultaneously hit by a ball peen hammer on one side while being torched with a welders torch on the other. It gets so bad at times i want to just cut my foot off, then i remember they already did.

But the real question remains, how can i feel such vivid, and painful sensations in a foot that is no longer attached to my body? I have two theories.

Theory no. 1: Law of contagion and pathologists at work. The Scottish Anthropologist Sir Richard Frazer, in his influential work The Golden Bough: A Study in Magic and Religion, defined a number of different forms of magic, one of them being the law of contagion. Basically, according to the law of contagion, two things that were once connected retain that connection even after separation and thus have the ability to affect each other (yes, this is the kind of incredible and highly sought after knowledge that a PhD in folklore will provide). An example of this is the popular conception of the "voodoo doll," created by attaching a lock of hair from the person in whose image the doll is created, and thus enabling the holder of the doll to inflict harm on the person by inflicting harm on the doll. So, according to my first theory, the law of contagion is at play here, and even though my right foot has been detached from my body, i did sign a bunch of consent forms saying that it could be used for various studies and research. Big Mistake!! So now my leg is being dissected, cut to pieces, broken apart and examined by a team of pathologists and researchers studying cancer and any other number of who knows what else. The problem is, now that i'm conscious, i feel every one of those cuts, stabs, bone breaks, etc. Every time some researcher deep in a lab in the bowels of the Huntsman Cancer center cuts into my big toe to extract a small sample of tissue to put under the microscope, i feel it. And not only do i feel that, i feel every time that small tissue sample is sliced thinner and thinner in order to get it thin enough to be examined under the microscope. I'm ready to go take my leg back, research be damned!

Theory no. 2: the Torments of Hell. In the New Testament Gospel of Matthew hell is described in the following terms: "The Son of man shall send forth his angels, and they shall gather out of his kingdom all things that offend, and them which do iniquity; And shall cast them into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth" (Matthew 13:41-42). Now let me clarify, that i've tried to be a pretty good person. I try to treat others with dignity and respect, and although i fall short at times, i do make this a priority. I certainly have my faults and plenty of "sins," but i try to live in a way that honors all of God's creations. Evidently, unbeknownst to me, my right leg did not share these same priorities, in fact, given by the amount of burning sensations i've felt lately, i'd say my right foot led a downright sinful and iniquitous life, and is now paying the price in the "furnace of fire." Unfortunately, the law of contagion applies here as well, and i feel all the sensations—the burning, wailing, and gnashing of teeth—to which my errant foot is being subjected. I'm not quite sure how my right foot managed to carry on so without my knowledge, but alas, it appears my foot is suffering the fate reserved for those in the inner ring of Dante's seventh level of inferno: to reside in a desert of flaming sand with fiery flakes raining from the sky. Of course, this is even more troubling for me since Dante recorded that this level of inferno was reserved for the blasphemers, the sodomites, and the usurers.

Neither of these theories is completely adequate, however. I have to reject Theory No. 1 because the pains persist through the night, and i can't imagine any researcher so committed to her studies that she is up at 2:00 in the morning slicing cell samples from the cancerous growths in the middle of my foot. Nor can i imagine that the Huntsman Center has the funding to run round the clock shifts of cancer researchers. Of course, it's possible that my foot has been parsed and shipped off to researchers around the world, which would help explain the round the clock phantom pains, but this also is highly unlikely.

And i have to reject Theory No. 2 because i just can't imagine how my foot could have been cavorting about, blaspheming, sodomizing, and lending money at absurd interest rates without my knowledge. I mean, i'm a socialist, i don't even have any money. i tend to give stuff away, so where my foot could have even gotten money to lend in the first place is beyond me.

So, in the end, while the phantom pains continue to shoot down my leg with an electrifying and profanity-inducing energy to a foot and toes that don't exist, i have no plausible explanations. Sorry Sir Frazer and Dante. Though your works were highly influential in their respective eras and areas of study, neither has satisfactorily explained the phantom pains that continue to ravage my non-existent limb. Perhaps what i need is just a good foot massage from Beatrice, but i doubt Dante would take too kindly to that.

Righty's last ride (pts. 1 & 2) and all the beautiful people

Like i mentioned in another post, the day after T-dub got home from Europe we met with Doc Jones and decided to go ahead with the amputation of my right foot a mere two days later on friday. My brother the suburban cowboy kept referring to a song by Tim McGraw, "Live Like you Were Dying," about all the things we should do with my foot before it went off to the big cancer lab in the sky. Because of the two previous surgeries i hadn't been able to ride my bike a whole lot since the end of June, so one thing i knew i wanted to do was ride again with both legs. I put the word out to a few friends that thursday morning i'd be meeting at Revolution at 7:00 am for "Righty's Last Ride." The artist put the word out to quite a few more people, unbeknownst to me. So thursday morning T-dub and i got up, rolled over to Revolution, and were surprised to find 30-40 people there for Righty's last ride.



We had a good ride out through Draper and back, with more folks joining along the way, and i appreciate the opportunity to ride next to so many great people from the cycling community, both those i know and have ridden with for years, and those i barely know. I appreciate everyone who pulled up by my side to offer encouragement, give references or offer help, or even share their own experiences. It was impressive to see everyone, from some of the fastest guys in the state to my high school humanities teacher, show up to bolster me with their spirits and strength on such short notice. Thanks as well to all of you who didn't hear about the ride till afterwords (i know, one day wasn't a lot of time) or had other commitments, but expressed your desire to be there. Thank you!!

Yes, he was a state champion, and the CX old guy series points leader, but that was all back before he started brewing beer.

A big shout out to Melissa and the whole crew at Revolution who have been incredibly supportive. I've been buying bikes and bike stuff from Melissa for well over ten years now because she knows how to take care of people. Thanks!!

But to all you who came out for Righty's Last Ride, i have a small confession to make. It wasn't actually Righty's last ride. It was, in actuality Righty's second to last ride, see, when i got my surgery schedule and found out i didn't have to be at the Huntsman Center until 2:00 in the afternoon on friday, the artist asked me if i was going to ride my bike up to Huntsman. It hadn't occurred to me before that, but since he mentioned it, yea, i decided i would ride to the hospital. So this time i invited my family to join me for Righty's real last ride. I got up friday morning and shaved Righty one last time (old habits die hard i guess), then ran a few last errands.



At noon Luke showed up to offer his support, then T-dub (who was taking the picture), the artist, the fashionista, and José and I all set out for Righty's real last ride. It was a pretty surreal experience. Here was this leg, that by all accounts, was doing what it was supposed to be doing. It looked healthy! It pedaled and powered the bike forward! and yet, this cancer was growing inside it that had the potential to destroy me!

Righty's last pedal strokes!

The closer we got to Hunstman, the more surreal it became. Our pace was easy, and we were laughing and joking, but right there in my mind i kept thinking, "this is so natural, so normal, so much a part of my daily life, but this is it: the last time i will pedal my bike with both legs, something i have taken for granted my whole life." I am grateful i had my brothers and Ms. Cheetah with me to share Righty's last ride (for real).


When we got to the Huntsman, the artist, the fashionista, T-dub, and José "dropped me off."


Then we found a valet (yes, they have free valet at the Huntsman for patients) to take a group picture. He asked us where we had ridden from, thinking that if the ride merited a group photo, it must have been quite a ways. We told him Sandy. He pretended not to be unimpressed, then the artist, with all his usual tack, pointed to me and said, "he's going in to get his leg cut off now," at which point the valet's expression turned to part horror, part shock. He clearly didn't know what to say to that, muttered "i'm sorry" a number of times and we rode down to the parking lot to find my dad.


After my dad got there, the rest of the group rode home, T-dub and I went in and changed, and then headed up to wait for the surgery. Even though i was scheduled to arrive at 2:00, and they got us into the patient waiting room rather quickly, the surgery rooms were backed up and it wasn't until almost 8:00 that they finally got me in for the surgery. That gave me a lot of time to hang out with my Dad, T-dub, and my leg.

Finally a little after 8:00 they rolled me back to the surgery room and the next thing i remember was waking up at around midnight. I was in the post-op recovery room where the nurses were telling me they were going to "boost" the epidural, which would take about ten minutes, and then once i was feeling ok, take me up to my room. I was feeling a good bit of pain, but waited and waited, hoping the epidural would kick in. It didn't. Finally, after about fifteen minutes i told the nurse (between deep breaths), that i didn't think the epidural was working. I knew this for two reasons: 1) it hurt like hell and 2) i could scratch and pinch both legs and feel it just fine, i had total sensation in both legs (or at least what was left of both legs). The nurses worked quickly to get an IV drip painkiller going, but all in all, i spent about 45-50 minutes between when i came to and the painkiller kicked in. Finally the pain started to subside and they took me up to my room where my Dad, the artist, and T-dub were waiting for me. T-dub almost fainted when they told her it had taken so long because the epidural didn't work and i was in a bit of pain. The artist almost fainted when he saw the pic of my foot in a bowl.
Then the worst part of the whole experience happened. I had to pee real bad, i mean real bad. So after a little discussion with the nurse it was determined that T-dub would hold me while everyone else waited outside and i peed into a small plastic urinal, so T-dub propped me up and held me at the bedside, i held a urinal up to my junk, and the nurse, the artist, and my dad waited behind a curtain ten feet away. Talk about stage fright. It didn't help that every 45 seconds my dad was asking me if i had gone yet. Although i had to pee so bad my teeth hurt, with such an audience, it took me a good six or seven minutes and a bit of coaxing before i was able to relieve myself. Finally, the job done, i was put back in bed, my dad and the artist said good night, and T-dub pulled a reclining chair up to my bed as close as she could and held my hand throughout the night.


The next morning the "pain management team," including the resident who had administered my epidural the night before came to see how i was doing. I told the resident that he was lucky he hadn't stopped by last night when i was in the post-op recovery room because had he done so, regardless of whether i had only one leg or not, i would have punched him hard in the face. He didn't see the humor, but that's ok, cuz i hadn't been laughing the night before either.

Other than that, however, i can't say enough for the hospital staff, Doc Jones and his staff, and all my good family, friends, unirvesity colleagues, students, and the cycling community who have shown me so much support. I had a number of great visitors at the hospital, who certainly made the time pass. In fact, i had to remind Cait, who was having so much fun, that it wasn't a birthday party, i had, in fact, just had my leg amputated.

My nieces signing my cast.

My mom sporting her "Livestrong" hat, just for the occassion. She came to visit twice, though her own health is deteriorating rapidly. Thanks Mom!!

The artist, the fashionista, and DC all stopped by after riding the four canyons. Don't worry DC, i won't tell anyone, you only met them for Emigration and didn't really ride the other three.

All the kids wanted to see the pics of the surgery. It probably didn't help that Ernie couldn't help but gasp, "holy cow!!" with each new picture as she scrolled through them.

Willy made me a new prosthetic foot out of play-doh.

Cait asking if she could eat the chocolate she had brought me as a get-well gift.

But that's ok, because Cait also made me these "guardian monsters" out of the play-doh she brought.

Early sunday morning visitors, i like that Cait wore her jersey, even though she drove to the hospital.

After a few laps around the fifth floor on Sunday with my new crutches, and some stair exercises, they figured i was strong enough to go home and i was discharged before noon.



It was nice to go home, to sleep in my bed, to not have a nurse's aid waking me every hour to check my vitals, and to have so much care and support from so many. I don't know how to begin to express my gratitude. I have felt such an incredible and strong sense of community and love over the past few months, first since Bunny was killed, and more recently after my own surgery. I don't know that i can thank everyone and i'm afraid i'll leave someone out, please forgive me if i do, but i want to try.

Thanks especially to T-dub for being there every step and taking such unbelievable care of me. I can't imagine what Luke is going through because i would be devastated without you. I am so grateful and lucky to have you in my life.

Thanks Dad for doing everything you can to help me through this in every way: financially, and in terms of my overall well being and comfort, and for being there for every surgery to pick me up, take me home, and make sure i'm taken care of. And thanks mom, even though your mind is not what it used to be, i face my challenges with the attitude i do because that's what you and dad taught me to do.

Thanks to the rest of my family, who all help in their different ways, so many of which i'm sure i'm not even aware. Niki for coordinating and communicating; Seth for being a jackass, i mean for his sense of humor (really though, i appreciate Seth for all he has done to support me through this); Luke for stepping up and supporting me, even when he is going through his own challenges that overshadow mine immensely; Miah for wanting to take my big toe skydiving before i lost it; Zach for helping with so many little things including a great meal (actually it was Brenda who made it), but most especially providing me with a photo that brings me to tears of laughter everytime i see it; and Trigger for checking in and keeping up from southern Colorado. Thanks as well to my amazing sisters-in-law and José who have fed me, chauferred me, helped clean my house, and yard, and supported T-dub.
Thanks to my nieces and nephews who decorated my cast something wonderful, came to visit me often, and continue to support me even if it means a get well kiss or good luck rub to the stinky end of my stubbly stump.


Thanks to all my extended family who have sent get well messages, dropped off music, visited me in the hospital and at home, sent food, and even provided or offered medical advice and services. To Bob and Lonnie for the music and visits, to Jim and Shauna for coming by for a pre-surgery visit, to the Parrys for the visits, the food, and the help in the yard, and Grandpa for the steaks. Thanks likewise to Lindsey for enough tasty and healthy food to keep me and Tay well fed for a month, and all of T-dub's family for the visits and help.

Thanks to Leti and Cait who made sure my hospital stay was comfortable as well as my transition home. You two have been wonderful, and although i tease you both (sometimes, just a little) i love you both and am grateful for you in my life. And thanks Leti for braving the insects and biodiversity to help T-dub in the garden. Thanks Lu and Vero for the incredible mole, and everyone who showed up for my 40th with plenty of Virgils root beer. Thank you Ms. Soos for your small and simple, but incredibly meaningful pictures and messages. Thanks all my other friends, even those from afar, who kept up with me and sent me messages of strength and support. Thanks TaLaisa, Eli, and Caleb for the visits, the incredible cookies, and all the other goodies.

Thanks to all my colleagues at the university for all of your support and offers for assistance, from the LEAP program, to the Honors College, UNP, ECS, the Bennion Center, and AMES. I appreciate the concern and support you all have shown, the cards, messages, phone calls, meals, treats, visits, and offers to cover my classes that so many of you have sent my way. Most especially thanks to Marti who, despite her own health trials, has been there every step of the way to offer her support.

Thanks likewise to all of my students who have sent messages, visited, made extra trips just to get me that mango-raspberry boboli smoothie i was craving, and provided a great system of support and love. Thanks to the good folks at Free Minds/Free People for the great care package that kept T-dub and i entertained while i was recovering. And thanks to the Mestizo community for your support and stepping up to take care of things when i was at the hospital or getting scans or tests of some sort or another.

Thanks to the cycling community for all your support and messages. Thanks Gardie for declaring a "matt bradley day" up in PC. Thanks Bryson for looking to hook me up with sponsors and other connections so i can keep cycling. Thanks DC for being an all-around good guy, a great teammate, and an amazing support. Thanks to the Glenn brothers, smartasses they may be, for their support. Thanks Bruce for looking for ways to keep me motivated and involved with cycling, Bart G. for some pre-surgery advice, and Shane for the crutches. Thanks to everyone who came out to "righty's last ride," and offered your support in so many ways, as i mentioned previously in this post. Your presence and companionship carried my spirit and gave me an incredible amount of encouragement to get back on the bike as soon as i can.

Thanks to Doc Backman who initially found the tumor, Doc Jones, Nancy, and all the other incredible staff at the Huntsman who got rid of them, and everyone else who took care of me during my stay.

And finally, thank you to everyone who has offered prayers, fasted, lit a candle, and put my name in prayer circles in the variety of congregations you attend from LDS temples to the Buddhist monastaries.

Though i certainly wouldn't have chosen to lose my foot, i am grateful for the ways in which it has deepened my relationship with so many of you, both those with whom i was already close and those with whom i had more casual relationships. I have seen new sides of my own family members, developed an incredibly deep respect for T-dub, strengthened my relationship with many family and friends, and opened doors to new relationships with many others that i look forward to developing.
I hope i can even begin to repay all the kindness that you all have extended to me. God Bless!!