A Gimp's Guide to the 801

More than i can chew

2011-10-20T19:40:00.000-07:00

Well, CX season is here and well underway, and i have to admit i may have bitten off more than i can chew, but i'm enjoying it nonetheless. Last year after i managed to get used to my prosthetic leg and figured out how to unclip and dismount i did a few races in the 35+C category. This year i thought i'd up my game a little and challenge myself and so i registered to race in the 35+A division. If you're thinking, "boy Matt, that's pretty ambitious of you," you are right. I may have envisioned being much faster than i actually am. I was a little realistic, however, in that my primary goal has been to not come in last place, and so far i have managed to meet that particular goal, but not by much.
At the first race of the season i knew there was a pretty good chance there was someone else, who like me, had overestimated their speed and abilities and mistakenly signed up for the 35+A category when they were in fact better suited for the Bs. Sure enough, there was one other rider who was slower than me, and i came in second to last. You can only count on this happening one time, however, as that rider will usually downgrade to a slower race category. So the next day of the double cross weekend i took my place at the line, and was quickly dropped on the first lap when i had a mind meltdown coming into the barriers the first time and unclipped my wrong foot first and lost time trying to get my prosthetic unclipped. This race i was saved from the uncoveted DFL when half way through the first lap my foot sole came unglued from the prosthetic foot and i had to pull out. I was disappointed, however, because last place or not, i wanted to race.

The 3rd race up at Ft. Buenaventura proved to be my best performance so far, as i came in 3rd from last (not counting a couple of guys who dropped out). Yes, i was able to hold off an attack from skibikejunkie on the last lap when he dropped his chain on some bumps around a tight corner and hold onto 3rd to last place (we had also passed stupidbike Bob who was doing his second race of the day, went out strong, then faded).

This last weekend up at Weber Co. Fairgrounds, i came in 4th from last thanks to mechanicals for my brother the artist (who snapped his derailleur hanger half way through the first lap) and Mike P. Matt O. also faded about half way through the race, so i was able to pass him as well.

So, for the time being, i have still met my goal of not finishing DFL. We still have eight races to go, so i hope that i can actually improve on my performance a little, but dang, those 35A guys are fast. The Glenn Brothers are always talking about how they don't get any time to train, but i don't know how they are so stinking fast without training when i'm training my ass off and can barely hang onto the caboose of each race.

At any rate, i'm excited this week to race at Wheeler Farm, because if there is such thing as a "home court," this is it. Since it's only a few miles from my house it's where i usually go during the week to train. I don't know if that means a whole lot in terms of real advantage, but here's to hoping. I'm also excited for this weekend because it's the 2nd annual Cross out Cancer event. Last year we raised almost $30,000 for the Livestrong foundation, and of course this year our goals are even bigger. Looks like the weather is going to be perfect, so, bring the family out and help raise money for the fight against cancer. I'm even more excited this year as well because the proceeds will be split between the Livestrong Foundation and the Huntsman Cancer Institute, which you know if you've read my blog for any time, is very dear to me personally. With the exception of the intern who didn't get my epidural right when i had my amputation, i have nothing but good to say about the great staff and doctors at Huntsman.

Maybe you're thinking, "i want to support this event, but i don't want to race," or "i want to support this event, but i'm a runner, not a cyclist." Well, lucky for you, there are three options that are still available to you:

Option 1: just go online and donate. you can make a donation to my personal fundraising goals here at my page with the Huntsman Cancer Institute:

Option 2: If you want to ride a bike, but don't want to race, you can participate in the "fun ride" at 1:20. This is a non-competitive ride on the race course with the specific goal of raising funds for Huntsman and Livestrong. Bring your mountain bike down and take an easy lap. You can register for the fun ride at the UTCX website.

Option 3: And finally, for you runners who don't want to ride a bike, but still want to participate, we'll kick off the morning with a 5K at 8:00 am. You can register for the 5k at the UTCX website as well.

There will also be a silent auction in the barn at Wheeler Farm thoughout the day, so come down and have a good time while helping fight cancer on a beautiful fall day.

What, we're going home already?

2011-10-14T20:40:00.000-07:00

This post is long overdue, and since we're already three weeks into CX season, i figured i better get my Paracycling Worlds update done before too much longer. So first, just let me say, Worlds was a great experience. I didn't place as well as i hoped, but had a great time racing with Sam and Jon and felt good about the teamwork we did to get good finishes for both of them. And considering I was competing in Paracycling Worlds only 13 months after my amputation, i can still be proud of my performance, and i come into the next year with even more determination to train smart and hard and do even better next year with an eye on the 2012 Paralympics in London.

We got to Roskilde the Sunday prior to our road race. Racing actually started on thursday, but the C4 RR wasn't till Sunday, and each country only gets two slots for the TT in each classification, and since i was 3rd at Nationals, that means i was not on the start list for the friday TT. We traveled with about 21 athletes and 8 staff, so you can imagine getting that many bicycles, handcycles, and all the necessary equipment, including four massage tables, left us with quite a bit of luggage.

We made it to our hotel in Roskilde without too much lost luggage, got our bikes put together, and set out for a ride of the course, a 15 k lap that goes out of town, through some beautiful countryside and a couple of small villages, then circles back into town. The course had a few short hills, but nothing over 200 meters and nothing very steep, but what struck us all was a) how narrow it was and b) how tight some of the corners were. Overall though, it was a great course with good road conditions through some nice scenery. Over the next week, we all rode the course countless times as we prepped for our races. Tuesday and Wednesday the weather was terrible: windy and rainy. There was no clothes washer or drier in the hotel either, so we all had to hand wash and hair drier dry our kits each night so we'd have something fresh for the next day. Fortunately by thursday when the racing began the wind died down and little and the rain stayed away.

By the time everyone started racing thursday, i was ready to go, but still had three days till our sunday race. The hardest part was the waiting and getting a little psyched out by the unknown. I've obviously never raced against any of these guys, so i didn't know what to expect. I knew the competition was going to be hard, but i didn't know how hard. I didn't know who was a factor and who wasn't. Fortunately Sam has been racing these guys for a few years now and could point out some of the different riders as we saw them riding around town, but i was still dealing with the big unknown factor. And then just getting antsy. I watched for 2 days, then 3 days as everyone else raced, just dying to be doing more than easy laps as i tapered for sunday.

Finally Sunday rolled around and we got up at 4:30 for our 8:30 start time. Our race was five laps of the 15k course, so just under 50 miles. Most of my recent races here in Utah had been more in the 75-100 mile range, so i wasn't too worried about the distance, but shorter distances usually means more attacks and an overall harder pace for the duration. As the race started, Sam got the no. 6 callup because of his UCI ranking, but because it was the first race for Jon and I, we didn't get called up until the very end, yea, we were starting at the back of the pack. We were a bit nervous about being able to move up on the narrow roads, but the race started out a moderate tempo, and we were both able to move up pretty easily. But then the attacks started. And as i had imagined, they kept up for the duration of the race. For the first three laps i was staying near the front and marking some of the attacks, but i'm afraid i exerted a little too much energy chasing down attacks that i shouldn't have been worried about. Again, since i didn't know all the racers, i wasn't sure who to be concerned about and who not to worry about. It took me about half the race to figure out who the players were and what i should be watching. On the fourth lap an italian and a german opened up a small gap about 5k from the start/finish. I saw them getting some ground, so i jumped from the group and bridged the gap. We rode hard, but got caught by the group on one of the hills just before a hard right turn that led to a 1.5 k straightaway into the finish line. As soon as we got caught, i attacked again, and the german went with me. This time, however, a bunch of other racers jumped started to close our gap immediately and we were soon reeled in. Sam and Jon were right in the group that caught us, as a group of C5 racers passed me and moved up the road (they race the C5 and C4 classifications together. Theoretically you are supposed to be able to tell the difference because C5 racers are supposed to wear red helmets and C4 racers wear white helmets). I paid very close attention to all the racers who passed us and noted that they all had red helmets, because i didn't want any C4s to get ahead of our group. Sam rode up next to me and confirmed they were all C5s and we didn't need to worry about them, so we settled in with the rest of the group and the small pack of C5s opened up a gap ahead of us as we started into the 5th and final lap.

As we crossed the start/finish and made the first turn out of town, i knew my legs were getting tired from my efforts, so i sat on the back and tried to recover a bit. Because everyone realized no attacks were going to succeed and we all thought the C4s were all together, the pace eased up a little. Eventually i moved up to the front of the pack again just to be in a better spot, but as we moved through a section with a cross wind, i dropped back with Jon to give Sam some cover so we would be fresh for the sprint. We paced Sam into the final hill when the pace picked up and i knew my legs were done. i hung onto the back of the group, barely managed to stick with the group through the sprint out of the corner, and then gave it my all for the last long drag to the finish line even though my legs had nothing left. Jon gave Sam a great leadout, Sam was in good position for a podium finish, but had to scrub speed when another racer moved into his line, and crossed the line in 3rd.
It wasn't long, however, before we found out that an Italian C4 had snuck into the pack of C5s that had gone up the road on us, and he had come across the line a minute ahead of us, putting him in 1st, and bumping Sam into 4th. We were of course bummed that Sam barely missed the podium, but pleased overall with how we raced and that Sam got 4th and Jon got 6th (i came in 15th). It was the best finish for US in the C4 classification for some time, and we are looking forward to improving on that in the future.

Allison Jones, Me, Sam Kavanagh, and Jon Copsey

So now, i had raced, i loved it, was disappointed i had no legs left for the finish, but was ready for more. And then we got back to the hotel, and immediately started packing to go home. "What?" i kept thinking, "we're going home now? Really? I just started racing? can't we race some more?" But unfortunately the racing was over and we had to come home. Like i said, it was a great experience, and i can't wait for more. I love racing the local scene in Utah, but there's certainly something to be said for the international experience and being able to compete against riders from all over the world.
Thanks to everyone who has helped and supported me over the past 13 months that helped me get there and continue to offer support. I'm looking forward to an even better, stronger 2012.

Most of Team USA taking in a skate park on a group ride before the racing started.

Danish podium girls wearing gowns that had some kind of recycling/energy conservation theme.

Italian rider Michele Pitacollo in the World Champion rainbow jersey. He won the C4 division. Note his legs, he has two of them and they are both very strong!!


Sam in the start house for the TT.

Our gold medal handcycle relay team. Overall team USA brought home 14 medals and led in the gold medal count.

And prior to the relay, Oz, Muffy, and Matt warming up.


A short little incline on the race lap, about 3k from the finish. Pre-riding the course here with Jon and Sam.


Some of the narrow country road we raced on.

My post race pizza, yea, i ate the whole thing.

Roskilde Cathedral

Great bike shop in downtown Roskilde that had the derailleur hanger i needed.

It was awesome to hang out a bit in a country where bikes are a part of everyday life and everyday transportation. Living in Italy a few years back i saw this, but the Danish take it to a whole other level.

I loved all the tote cars and kid carriers and seeing moms and families riding around doing errands with everyone on bikes. And even with the lousy, wet, windy weather, they keep at it.

Course marshal volunteers headed out to their stations on the race lap.

Hats off to our team of mechanics. It takes a lot of work to keep a 30 bikes and handcycles in top working condition, especially when each rider has his or her own special adaptations because of the variety of disabilities, but Myke, Eric, and Kimmi were great.

There's a reason they call these Danishes. Overall i found the Danish cooking rather bland, but oh my goodness, i think i ate about half a dozen of those raspberry danishes every morning.

For a few more photos from Joe, visit the gallery on the DNACycling FB page.

Good bye Colo Springs, Hello Denmark

2011-09-03T09:40:00.000-07:00

After a week of training here at the Olympic Training Center in Colorado Springs, we are just about to depart for Roskilde, Denmark for Paracycling World Championships. It's been a great week, kind of like hanging out in a dorm full of lots of really fit people. Actually it's interesting to see all the different athletic types: everything from massive weightlifters to the tiniest of gymnasts.

The schedule here was great, but it took a little getting used to. We'd start the day with some type of intensity work out, motorpacing race simulation or TT intervals, then head back and have lunch. After lunch we would rest. Yes, just rest. Do nothing, but rest. Actually that's not completely true, we could also head over to the recovery center and get a massage, use the compression space legs, or do hot/cold plunges going back and forth from a hot tub to a cold tub. Then rest some more. Then late afternoon we would usually do a recovery spin, then some dinner, then more rest. Rest until bed, then get up and do it again.

The recovery compression "space legs"

The "radilac": part caddy, part el camino, with a lift kit for good measure. Like one of my friend says, nothing says "USA" like an el camino with a lift kit.

Refueling after some intervals.


Dessert at the OTC cafeteria.


Out for an easy recovery spin.


Went over to the CoSprings velodrome one night to watch the track racing. I think i'd forget their is no freewheel and rip my legs off if i tried track racing.

Coach Durner packing for the trip.

It's been great to get to meet some of the other team members, an interesting assembly of individuals to say the least, from a variety of backgrounds. I look forward to racing with them in Denmark and cheering for them all in their different race categories. In an hour we head to the airport for our departure. Can't wait to race!!

One Year, an inventory of sorts

2011-08-12T21:39:00.000-07:00

It was a year ago today i rode my bike to the Huntsman Cancer Institute and had my right foot amputated to stop the spread of that nasty, little beast cancer. On some levels, i don't really know what to say about the last year, so instead, i figured i'd provide a photo inventory of some of the things i've lost and some of the things i've gained. With the intent of ending on the positive, i'll start with losses and move to gains.

Some of the things i lost over the past year:

My sister-in-law Bunny who was killed after being struck by a truck while riding her bike.

My mom, who passed away after a long battle with Progressive Supranuclear Palsy.

My dog Hannah, who passed away of old age.

My right foot, removed to rid my body of cancer.

Two of my dearest colleagues, who left Utah to move back to their respective hometowns.

My best friend.

My training partner.

And a few of the year's gains:

An invigorated appreciation and respect for life.

An invigorated appreciation and respect for my health and all that my body and mind are capable of.

An appreciation and deep gratitude for technology.

Qualification for the US National Paracycling team.

Two bronze medals.

New motivation to ride and train.

Some new feet.

A couple of teaching awards.

New friends, communities, and inspirations.

getting some form back

2011-08-07T20:00:00.000-07:00

Well, first of all, i have to say "Wow!!" i did not expect that the voting would overwhelmingly favor wearing the "Amputees need love too!" T-shirt on a first date, but you, the people, have spoken, so as soon as i get that first date, i will in fact wear the T-shirt. I'll let you know how it goes (and i'll also hold you all accountable if it ends miserably)!

Photo: Chris See

Alright, having addressed that, time to move on to other more interesting stuff, like bike racing. It's been almost a year since my amputation, and i'm starting to feel like i'm getting some form back and can actually be competitive in a race rather than just getting shelled out the back as soon as the racing really starts. In fact, this last weekend i took 6th overall in the Bikes4kids stage race, with a 3rd place in the TT. And last weekend i didn't let the hill pictured below take me out of the race.

I know it doesn't look like much from this angle (hills never look as steep in pictures or on TV), but the last little kicker is 8-9% and goes on just long enough to really hurt. At the state championship Road Race we did 5 laps of this course, with a rollout starting across the street from the hill to make for a total of 6 times up the hill. Since climbing is definitely a weakness since losing my right calf, i was afraid i was going to get dropped on the hill when the inevitable attacks started. But lap after lap i was able to hang on. On the 3rd time up the hill i made a strategic attack about a mile before the hill to get a head start. This worked out perfectly as the rest of the group caught me just as i was cresting the top, but this was also the time they took the hill the hardest and dropped half a dozen other riders. Fortunately my strategy paid off and i jumped back in the group for the rest of the race. Of course the last time up the hill the field splintered since the finish line was just past the crest of the hill and the attacks were furious. i got passed by most of the other racers, but overall i was happy to have stayed with the lead group for the whole race. At the beginning of the season i was unceremoniously dropped from every race as soon as we hit any incline, so it's gratifying to be able to stay in till the finish now.

I'm looking forward to Worlds in three weeks, and then after Denmark time to gear up for the 2011 CX season (is it ok to say i may even be a little more excited for CX then worlds). And i'm just going to put this out there. It may be pie in the sky, but i'm starting to entertain the idea that i may have it in me to upgrade to a cat 2. I've never thought this possible, even before the amputation, but with some hard work and dedication i think i can get there. I know i'm not there now, but am sure going to give it my all going into the 2012 road season. By making it public, that puts the pressure on to follow through, right?!?

back in the game (kind of)

2011-07-25T15:21:00.000-07:00

After a couple of years in a great relationship i now find myself single again. I haven't dated in a while, and well, i don't think d-a-t-i-n-g (had it insert the hyphens because google was trying to link to an online d-a-t-i-n-g site from my blog, can't have that) is quite the same for a forty-year old as it is for the younger generation, and being in Utah, the state of the early-twenty-something marriage, only compounds that problem. I don't think being bald or only having one leg helps much either, i mean, would you respond to a personal that read: "One-legged, 40 yo, bald male ISO love and romance. Enjoys riding the Jazzy around the supermarket and sorting socks"?

So as i approach this challenge i come to you, dear reader, for advice. Not long after my amputation cousin Todd sent me this T-shirt:

I personally love it, but am wondering whether it is appropriate attire for a first date. Please give me your opinion, as i'm sure i'll be meeting someone any day now that i'd like to ask out. You can use the poll here in the right of the blog, or feel free to leave comments as well.

Thanks in advance, i value the opinions of each and every one of you (except my brother who wanted to make me a glass of shitaid, thanks, but no thanks in advance for your opinion).

For Bunny, Brynn, Josie, and the many others. . .come race your bike and eat donuts!!

2011-07-08T15:05:00.000-07:00

Ok, i know it's a little intimidating to get into bike racing, especially when you see all those skinny, fit racers barely filling out their tight lycra kits, but next weekend is the perfect opportunity to get into bike racing while not having to give up your penchance for fatty foods. In fact, this is the only race i know of where you are actually rewarded for downing as many calories as you can. I know all too well how adversely extra calories can effect race performance ( yes, i love to eat), but at the annual Tour de Donut, you get a time deduction, yes you heard that right, a time deduction (in bike racing that equates to a good thing, you know faster time) for every donut you eat. In fact, it is possible to get a negative time, something that not even the best riders of the Tour de France can boast.

So, here's how it works, as described on the Tour de Donut website:

"It’s simple. Race 21 miles and see who is the king donut! In circuit style, ride 7 miles, then eat as many donuts as you would like. No limit. Then, ride 7 more miles, eat more donuts, then ride the last 7 mile lap.

Take 3 minutes off your time for each donut you keep down. Glory and adulation (and great prizes!) are waiting for you at the Finish Line.

Prizes are awarded on 'Adjusted Times'. There is a good chance that if you do not eat any donuts, you might not end up the overall winner!"

Now, if that isn't enough incentive to come and race (and eat), this is also a great event on a number of other levels. It's a fundraiser for the Huntsman Cancer Institute (an organization that my frequent readers will know is dear to my heart), as well as a number of other worthy non-profit organizations. But perhaps most important for our family, and a reason i have some real respect for the American Fork Rotary Club, is the way that they came out last year, and just days after Bunny's death, put together a first class memorial and tribute to her. They didn't know our family, they didn't know Bunny, but they reached out and gave us a venue to remember Bunny and celebrate her passion for life and fitness. We were honored that they would come to us this year and ask if we would be interested in participating again.

Tragically, not long ago, another family in our community lost one of their loved ones when Brynn Barton was struck and killed by a car while riding her bike in downtown SLC with some friends. As a result of these tragedies, the Tour de Donut is partnering with Road Respect, to raise awareness about cyclists on Utah roads and the rights and responsibilities of both cyclists and automobile drivers. Many of Brynn Barton's family and friends will be participating in this year's Tour de Donut, as well, so come and show support for them, and help us remember and celebrate Brynn, Bunny, Josie Johnson, and all the many others who have been killed or injured while cycling on Utah roads. Like last year there will be a shorter memorial lap before the race for Bunny and Brynn, so bring the family, kids, friends, and eat donuts, ride your bike, and support some great causes.

I've heard a lot of excuses for not racing in the past, but, none of those will hold up here. You can't say your too fat. You can't say you're out of shape (remember you're rewarded at this race for your ability to down calories). And how can you turn down cancer patients, kids in Africa, or the families and friends of such great women as Bunny and Brynn? You're right, there really isn't an excuse, so unless you are doing one of those other two races next weekend (in which case you probably haven't been eating donuts anyway), i expect to see you out at the Tour de Donut!!

stranger than fiction, riding the emotional roller coaster part 2

2011-07-01T15:30:00.000-07:00

Ok, just a warning right here at the beginning, this is a long post. I thought about breaking it into two, given that the attention span of all of us raised on MTV and similar media is rather limited, but decided to keep it all together since for me the experiences can't necessarily be separated. That being said, here we go. That phrase "truth is stranger than fiction," has been recurring to me a lot lately, more and more as the year has unfolded. This last week has been no different as the pattern of pain and joy and good news and tragedy all rolled into a matter of a few days has continued. As i look back at the last year and contemplate all that i have both lost and gained, it all seems rather unbelievable; you couldn't make this shit up, as they say. So let me start about a week ago as i departed Salt Lake City for Augusta, GA to compete in the paracycling national championship races.

I have been preparing for these races since my amputation. Of course, it's awful hard to really train with only one functioning leg, but before i got my prosthesis i tried to keep on my bike as much as i could just to keep up some basic level of fitness and T-dub kept me on a pretty strict diet to help me keep my weight down. Once i got my prosthesis i immediately started riding my bike, which was actually a little easier than walking since it's not weight bearing in the same way, and preparing to race cyclocross again. I put on a few pounds over the holidays, but afterwords started taking the weight off and increasing the intensity of my workouts, trying to build up the fitness i had lost after not being able to train for six months on account of the two foot surgeries and then the amputation.

I slowly have seen progress as my fitness has improved since january and was excited and ready, a bit nervous, but mostly excited to go to Georgia to compete. I was not looking forward to the heat and humidity, especially since it had been so cool in Utah all spring, but tried to mentally prepare. The time trial was the most important event because it was also the qualifier for the national paracyling team and was our first race on thursday.

Pre-race meeting with paracyclists and handcyclists at Paracycling nationals in Augusta, Georgia.

Start and finish of the nationals TT at the Thurmond Dam.

I prerode the course on wed. then headed out thursday morning to get ready. It was hot and windy. I got there just in time to watch T-dub start and then bring in the fastest time for the Under23 women and become the U23 National time trial champion. It was an amazing accomplishment and i was incredibly proud of here because i have seen all the hard work she has put into reaching this goal.

T-dub in the start house of the TT.

T-dub just across the finish line of her U23 National Champion TT ride!

Our race wasn't scheduled until the afternoon, and fortunately a storm rolled in which brough the temps down to about 85 (as opposed to 97), and caused the wind to die down. It rained during our TT, but i didn't mind since it cooled things off a bit. If you haven't done a TT before, let me briefly describe how it works. The TT is a race agains the clock, rather than other riders. Cyclists are started at 30 or 60 second intervals and then ride the course and the person with the fastest time wins. Basically what that means is for the duration of the race you are at your lactate threshold, pushing yourself as hard as you can maintain for the given distance. It's painful. Your mind is screaming at you to quit. Your legs are screaming at you to quit. The saying is, you know if you did it right if you feel like you wanna throw up (and i did see quite a few riders throw up as they finished). I didn't throw up, but i put everything i had into those 20K. Two of the fastest riders were starting behind me, and i know i didn't want to get caught by either of them. Fortunately i didn't. As i crossed the finish line i felt good about my ride. I had buried myself to the very end and pushed myself hard across the line. Of course, i had no idea what kinds of times the other riders where posting and didn't know, since i have never raced against these guys, how i would stack up. As we all congregated at the finish line i got a sense from some of the other times and knew that Sam K. had beat us all by a good 40-50 seconds, but that my time was right in there with some of the other guys. It wasn't for an hour or so, however, that we finally got results and i found out i had podiumed with a 3rd place. I was happy with that, not as good as i wanted to do, but certainly happy with it. Given Sam's time, however, i was not confident at all i had made the time cut to qualify for the national team and was a little discouraged and a bit nervous about this since results wouldn't be posted till later in the evening.

Handcyclists racing the TT in the rain. Photo Dave Gaylinn.

Now let me backtrack a tiny bit and say that wednesday night as i was getting a last few things done to get ready for thursday, my dad called me to tell me that my mom's health had taken a turn for the worse. My mom has suffered from a rare neurological disease called progressive supranuclear palsy (PSP), for the past 8-9 years. PSP is a terminal disease that slowly causes the brainstem to degenerate, causing a slow loss of both mental and motor functions. It started out with similar symptoms to Parkinson's or Alzheimers, but as the disease progressed, at least in my mom's case, she slowly lost motor function and the ability to walk or speak, although her brain still functioned and was more acute than in a patient suffering with Parkinson's or Alzheimers. My dad told me that my mom had not been able to eat since sunday (the last time i saw her when i went to my parent's house for sunday dinner), and that she was getting weaker. He told me he had talked to her Dr. who told him that she probably had about another week to live, but that her body would gradually start to shut down since she wasn't able to eat. The Dr. recommended letting her live out her last days at home rather than take her to the hospital and stick her full of IV tubes, so my family chose to do that. I talked to my dad for a few minutes, then hung up thinking that i would be able to get home after the weekend in Georgia and have a few days before she passed on.

I took this with me tucked it away as i raced on thursday, and then thursday night went to the podium ceremony where i got my bronze medal and got to see T-dub get her Gold and national champion stars and stripes jersey. After the ceremony Sam K. grabbed me and said he looked forward to racing with me because he had heard that we were going to have a strong team of C4s (C4 is the handicap classification level that i fit into with a below-knee amputation; there are 5 levels from C1-C5) on the national team this year. I hadn't heard anything yet about team qualifications, so i found my coach Mike and asked him if he knew when they were going to post the qualification times, and with a big grin he said, yes, in fact, he had a copy of it right there. He pulled it out and showed me that i had placed 5th overall (out of about 100 total para-athletes) based on the formulas they use to determine team standards based on different levels of disability (don't ask me to explain how this works because i don't understand it). I was starting to get excited, but still wasn't sure what it meant, so i asked Mike, "so what does this mean in terms of the national team?" He just grinned again and responded, "what are you doing in september? Interested in going to Denmark to race at paracycling worlds?" I was ecstatic. T-dub was with me and gave me a big high five and hug and i grinned from ear to ear. I hadn't done quite as well at the TT as i had hoped, but my main goal was to qualify for the national team, so i was elated. I shot a text home to the artist and mentioned that i didn't think i would be able to do Lotoja this year because i would hopefully be in Denmark racing with the national team instead.

T-dub in the stars and stripes champion jersey with Gold medal!

Podium for C4 TT with Sam K. (gold), and Jon C. (silver).

My phone was dying, so T-dub walked back to my hotel room to charge our phones real quick before we set out for a celebratory dinner. When i got back to the hotel room i noticed the artist had called a couple of times, so i plugged my phone in and got a charge to call him back. While my phone was charging he called again. "Wow," i thought, "the artist never gets this excited about anything, but he's called me three times, that's weird." After our phones charged for a minute we walked out to the car and i called my brother as we were pulling out to go get dinner.
"Congratulations," he told me, then asked, "why didn't you answer your phone?" I explained that my battery had been dying, and then he let me know the news, "mom died about an hour ago."

I asked a few questions and he answered as much as he could. This was obviously much sooner than any of us had anticipated. T-dub sat next to me and held me while i talked to my brother, then i hung up and sat there in a little bit of shock. Even though i had known this was coming for 4-5 years now, and even though with my dad's call from the night before i knew it was imminent, it had happened much more quickly than i anticipated. Within the space of an hour i had gone from great news about the achievement of one of the goals i had been working towards all year to the news that my mom had died.

Kathleen Linebaugh Bradley, 1947-2011

T-dub and i got dinner, and then i called my dad and talked to him for a while. I asked him if i should change my flight and come home the next day, but he encouraged me to stay and finish the races. "Mom would want you to stay and finish, and if i was the one who had passed away, i would certainly want you to stay and finish," he told me. So I stayed and raced the next two days before packing up and heading home on Sunday. At nationals I got another podium 3^rd place at the crit, but then at the road race I went on an early attack when I eased off the front without a chase, and hoped someone would bridge up to me. I knew if no one made the bridge it was an all or nothing deal with the odds much more strongly favoring nothing. Unfortunately no one could get away from the main group to bridge, so I got caught with about 15 k to go. I was a little spent from doing just shy of half a lap on my own, so I didn’t have as much at the end as I would’ve liked and finished in 5^th.

My two bronze medals.

Coming through the start/finish of the RR on the first lap when i had opened up a gap of about 15 seconds. Photo Dave Gaylinn

I wasn’t too pleased with that finish, but I knew that was a risk when I went on the attack and put in the best effort I had. All in all it was a great weekend. The racing was hard, but it was great to meet so many other incredible athletes who make adaptations and figure out how to keep racing their bikes irrespective of the challenges or disabilities that life has thrown at them. I’m extremely excited for the opportunity to train and race with the national team, now I just gotta figure out how to take the first couple weeks of the semester off so I can make it happen. I also want to give a big, public shout out to my coach Mike Durner as well, who despite my impatience and frustration, kept me on track and has steadily helped me improve my fitness and get back towards race form. Thanks Mike!

After the road race Saturday I started to pack and get ready to come home. I had been able to bump my flight up a little, but still had to wait till Sunday to fly home. I got home Sunday afternoon and went straight to my Dad’s house where I spent the rest of the afternoon with my family. My mom’s passing has been bittersweet. PSP took my Mom years ago in the sense that it had stripped away so much of who my mom was. Of course, she held on till the end with the same kind of strength she had always exhibited, but the woman who was bright and well read and loved to garden everyday and walk every morning had been gone for years. Her quality of life had declined so much in the past year that it was a good thing for her to go, to move on and leave the body that had betrayed her. Of course, it is always hard to lose a loved one, especially your mom. As I reunited with my family and had the chance to look through old photos and over the next few days as I heard stories from family members, neighbors, and friends, it was a wonderful opportunity to remember my mom for who she was, not what PSP had done to her.

My mom and I didn’t always agree on issues. In fact, more often than not we disagreed, but I credit my Mom with giving me and helping me develop two of the loves that are a central part of my life: education and gardening. My mom was always involved with education, from the time she started teaching 2^nd grade after she and my dad were first married, to her years of involvement with the local and state PTA, to her time volunteering in classrooms. She was also adamant that we, her children, took full advantage of the educational opportunities that were available to us. I remember one particular instance that highlighted both her commitment to public education and her commitment to her own children’s education. I was finishing up my 7^th grade middle school year, literally it was the 2^nd to last day of school. Practically no one was at school. It was “senior sluff day,” but of course, that meant sluff day for all. People went to school, met up with their friends, then left. I did just the same. I went to school, met up with a few of my friends, and we left, but luck would have it that as we were walking down the street my very own mother would drive by and see me. She immediately pulled over, ordered me in the car, and summarily drove me back to school. See, my mom not only wanted me in school, but she also knew that the way the schools got their money was based on attendance, and no child of hers was going to sluff school and cause the school to lose even that little bit of funding. I remember my mom sitting with me in the worst of my teen, grumpy, hate-everyone-and-everything years and make sure I got my AP European History done. I hated the homework. In the moment, I hated my mom, and it was certainly not easy for her to sit there with me seeping my bitter resentment, but she did it, and I got my homework done, and I passed that stinking AP test, and it was in great measure because of my mom’s dedication, patience, and willingness to deal with a moody and broody teenager. I also fondly remember sitting at our kitchen counter reading through the newspaper and being able to have conversations about just about any issue in the news with my mom as she was cooking dinner. She always knew what was going on, and she was always willing to engage me with the issues. We talked about everything that came up, but I remember most distinctly the many conversations we had about education and specifically vouchers. Even though my mom was overall rather conservative, she was adamantly opposed to vouchers for the very reasons she supported public education as a whole: my mom was a staunch advocate of educational opportunity for everyone, and from her perspective, vouchers and any sort of privatization of education set up a system that would leave lower-income or those without the necessary cultural capital behind those who could afford to use public money to supplement private education. This is one of the few political issues on which we agreed.

I also fondly remember walking with my mom through her garden in the morning and learning so much from her. Of course, like any kid, I hated weeding. I hated weeding the garden, I hated weeding the flowerbeds, i hated weeding. But as I got older, I grew to appreciate and love gardening, and many summer morning I would walk through my mom’s flower beds with her as she taught me the names of plants, the difference between annuals and perennials, the blooming periods of the different perennials, and so much more. I specifically remember my Mom’s war on snails and slugs, something she engaged in with an animosity that I rarely saw in her. I remember her walking through her hostas every morning plucking snails from the leaves and unceremoniously depositing them in the big blue trash can outside the garage. This is one place where my mom and I found common ground, and I cherish the time I was able to spend with her under the morning summer light at the foot of Lone Peak learning the names of plants and picking weeds and snails with her.

My Dad and Sofia at the burial.

The grandsons looking at photos of my mom and some of her horses.

Despite the sadness of a funeral, it's a good time to be together with the family.

and with my brothers, will certainly result in many awkward moments.

So now I’m home from Nationals, my mom is buried, and I’m trying to return to some sense of normal, though I’ve long lost any notion of what normal is. This last year has been such a mix of both pain and loss and accomplishment and joy that I’m not really sure how to ground or center myself. I’m a little lost regarding what to expect for the future, as many of my expectations and basic perspectives have certainly changed. I’m certainly more cynical about a lot, but on some levels continue to be hopeful and excited. I’m angry at times, but that doesn’t serve me or anyone else too well, so I try to focus my energy on other activities that will bring about some sort of positive outcome. Hopefully i can find a way to revisit some of my values and priorities because everything feels just a little up in the air or scattered on the ground at the moment.

On a hopeful note, a note marked by the beginning of new life and all the potential it entails, this morning, just a few days after my mom’s passing, my sister-in-law brought twin girls into the world. Congrats to the artist and the epicure and the newest additions!

It's been an emotional couple of weeks

2011-06-19T12:45:00.000-07:00

Wow! These last two weeks have been pretty intense as they've brought a lot of the events over the past year full circle, in some tragic and heartbreaking ways and in others more hopeful and encouraging. The emotional roller coaster ride really started almost two weeks ago when i read of the hit-and-run death of Brynn Barton who was killed while riding her bike near downtown SLC. It's been just about a year since Bunny was likewise killed while riding her bike with a group of friends on a beautiful summer morning. The news of Brynn's death hit hard, even though i had never met her or didn't know her. Friday night i attended a benefit bike ride and memorial for her and had the opportunity to talk to her mom for a few minutes. I know on some level how hard this is, though i can't possibly understand how her parents feel, or how my brother felt losing Bunny. Regardless, it's painful and tragic beyond words. Two incredible young women with a passion for life and serving other people, both taken within a year while riding their bikes in the streets of SLC. The encouraging and amazing aspect that i've seen again and again, however, is the support and strength of the communities who rally together to support the family members and make sure that some good comes out of these tragedies. I saw and witnessed this time and again after Bunny's death, and saw it again with the memorial ride for Brynn, as well as how her family and friends have chosen to remember and celebrate her and her zest for life. Nothing can compensate for these lost lives, but there's a lot to be said for how those who survive move forward.

This weekend i also had the opportunity to take part in the last leg of the Huntsman 140. By last leg, i mean, i only rode the last 40 miles, but many rode 140 miles, and a small, amazing group of eight rode all the way from Reno, NV to the Huntsman Cancer Institute (a ride of about 667 miles). this ride was started years ago by Jeff Warren who, after beating cancer, decided to ride from his hometown of Reno to the HCI to raise awareness for developing less toxic treatments for cancer. This was the tenth year he's done it. As they rolled towards Salt Lake City today, a group of 100+ riders and myself joined them for the last leg. Let me say first of all, over the past year i have had the opportunity to meet and interact with some really amazing people. Jeff Warren is certainly one of them, as is Cindy Yorgason, a breast cancer survivor, who always greets me with a hug and a smile. And another guy who i can't say enough good about is Steve Kelly. Talk about a heart of gold, I'm consistently impressed with the way Steve goes out of his way to include, support, and encourage others. Case in point, "Echo's Mile." You may remember Echo from a previous post about the rotationplasty surgery that Doc Jones has done for a couple of young cancer patients with sarcomas in their femur. Well, Steve arranged for Echo to meet us and ride on a tag-along attached to his bike for the last mile up to the HCI. Mind you, Steve was finishing up 667 miles, regardless, he attached that tag-along to his bike and he and Echo rode together up to the Huntsman Center across the "finish line." This was definitely the highlight of my day, seeing her pedal along with Steve with a big 'ol grin on her face, and thanks to Steve for making it happen and inviting me to ride along with them.

I was unexpectedly overcome with emotion as we rolled up to the HCI. It's just shy of a year ago now that i rode the very same road with my brothers, brother-in-law, and dear friend T-dub on the way to my own amputation as a result of cancer. As i rode that last quarter mile to Huntsman, this time surrounded by yellow jerseys and other cancer survivors, i started to cry just a tiny bit. It was an amazing experience to relive my ride a year ago with some of the people most dear to me, and to repeat it this weekend with a group of new friends.

I wrapped up the weekend at the Ray LaMontagne concert. Again, emotional for a host of reasons, i found myself up and down, crying and smiling with each new song, letting go and starting anew.

It's been a shitty year, i'm not gonna lie, but through it all, i'm still alive, i'm still able to do the things i love, and although i've lost some of the things that are most important and dear to me, i know i have so much to be grateful for. Sometimes life gives you lemons, so you do your best to make lemonade. Sometimes that lemonade is still bitter, but i'm extremely grateful for those around me who have been there to add a little sugar to make things just a tad bit sweeter. Thank You!!

What are you doing this saturday?

2011-06-15T07:14:00.000-07:00

Don't have plans yet? Or you do have plans, gotta weed the yard, mow the lawn, or clean the garage, but looking for an excuse to get out of it? I've got the perfect excuse:

The Huntsman 140

This is a great excuse to get out on your bike, enjoy the great weather, and raise some money for the Huntsman Cancer Institute (HCI). Over the past year i have had quite a few interactions with the HCI, and met some incredible people, both doctors and nurses and other cancer patients. I have a great deal of respect for all.

If you're training for Lotoja, the Huntsman 140 is a great excuse to get some miles in. If you don't think you're up for 140 miles, don't despair, you can also ride the 40-mile version. In fact, this is the distance i'll be riding. And the 40-mile version doesn't start till noon, so you can still clean the garage in the morning, then load up the family and the bikes and come have a great ride for a great cause.

If you can't ride on saturday, but still want to contribute, click here to go to my personal donation page, but i hope to see you saturday!!

And if you'd like to follow Jeff Warren's 667-mile ride from Reno, NV to the Huntsman Cancer Institute, you can read his blog www.ikickedcancersbutt.org. Jeff has been doing this ride to raise awareness about cancer and raise funds for HCI for the past 9 years. Pretty amazing stuff.

graduation

2011-05-29T08:38:00.000-07:00

Hard to believe that just over four years ago Marti invited me to have lunch on campus with some prospective students who were checking out the Honors College. At that lunch i had the privilege to meet the "Martinez Sisters," two incredible young women, who incidentally, despite having the same last name, are not sisters or even related at all, but who are the best of friends. Over the past four years i have watched these amazing women and many of their peers grow, learn, become great community activists and scholars, and now graduate. Well, Ms. Lilly, or more accurately Hermana Martinez is now serving a mission for the LDS church, but Ms. Yamila just recently graduated and is now moving on to start graduate school in the fall. I am so proud and honored to have been a part of Yami's education, as well as the educational journeys of Heidi, Lalo, Xris, and the many others who set fantastic examples of the value and benefits of higher education.

Last night we also got to celebrate the graduation of some of the high school youth who are part of the Mestizo Arts & Activism Collective. I'm excited to see them move on to college now, and especially excited for those who are coming to the University of Utah where hopefully they will get involved with the Honors College or LEAP and i can continue to work with them. I am so impressed by the mentoring and support that the the MAA university students provide for the high school students to help them with admissions and scholarship applications, getting signed up for orientation and other opportunities, and overall navigating and accessing higher ed. I love spring for a variety of reasons, one of them certainly being the opportunity to celebrate the accomplishments and success of graduating students.

Mentoring at it's best!

How to beat cancer and use your ankle for a knee all at once!

2011-05-22T22:16:00.000-07:00

Just came across this story on KSL about some incredible young people beating cancer and the cool rotationplasty surgery my oncologist Doc Jones has been performing. I had the opportunity to meet Echo (the amazing little girl featured in this story) a few weeks back and have all the respect in the world for her and for Doc Jones.

Video Courtesy of KSL.com

not the slowest

2011-05-04T10:02:00.000-07:00

Photo: Steve Kelly

One of us in the picture above was the slowest at the Antelope Island Road Race last weekend, but i'll just leave it at that, and you can figure out who it was. I'll give you a hint, however, it wasn't the guy who only has one leg.

Saturday morning we woke up to 6" of new snow. After calling to confirm the race was still on, and then clearing the snow off his car and bikerack, the artist came and picked me up to head out for the race.

For the Cat 3 division, the Antelope Island RR consists of a start on the island from which we ride out the causeway to the mainland then back, then 8 laps on the island, after which we turn off to the Garff Ranch Road, ride out to the ranch, then back to a hilltop finish, about 64 miles total. Key here is being able to count your laps. It seems like every year there is a fiasco of some sort or another because riders can't count. This year was no different, but in this instance, it seems it was the moto official who couldn't count.

The weather turned out to be quite nice, besides the wind, but it's always windy out there. Despite the overnight storm, the sun came out and the temperature was great for bike racing. The race played out like this: out the causeway and back was fine because it's flat, but i was a bit worried about the punchy little climbs on the laps. I still don't have a whole of lot of "kick" so sudden accelerations and climbing as a whole are tough for me. First lap i made it over the climbs fine in good position in the group.

Photo: Steve Kelly

Second lap i made it over the climbs fine in good position in the group, but it hurt, and i knew i couldn't hold that effort for six more laps. Third lap, i was starting to feel my energy sapping out of me, so i started to eat, but i choose just the wrong moment to eat, right before one of the short climbs, because i ended up at the tail end of the group, and then just couldn't hold the gaps over the climb and got dropped. Alex K. also got dropped on the next climb, so i caught him and the two of us rode the next five laps together just trying to limit the damage since there was not way we were going to catch back on to the peloton. On about lap six the lead group of the Cat 1s caught and passed us. We were counting our laps, but we also knew that since we had been passed by them, when we saw them turn off onto the Garff Ranch road, we still had one lap to go.

Photo: Steve Kelly

We watched them turn, did our last lap, and about the same time caught the artist, who had been poppped on lap 5 or so. As the three of us were heading out towards the Garff Ranch, we saw the rest of the Cat 3 field riding back towards the finish, before we had seen the Cat 1s. This didn't make any sense because the Cat 1s had lapped us and should have been ahead of the Cat 3s. Then it all clicked, they had only done 7 laps.

By the time we made it out to the turnaround and back the finish line was cleared. Literally they were loading the last of the few things into the trailer when we crossed the line (though there wasn't really a line because they had pulled that up as well). We told them we were pretty sure we had done 8 laps and the rest of the field only did 7, they said that made sense because they couldn't figure out how the 3s had finished before the 1s, and told us to go back to the parking lot to talk to the officials. We made our way back to the parking lot to find that they had already awarded the Cat 3 winners, and then got lots of mixed up and contradictory stories about why the rest of the field rode 7 laps rather than 8, but from what i can boil down, the moto official did a bad lap count and went and told the field to turn, even though they all knew they still had a lap to go, but they decided not to complain, made the turn and did 7 laps (though there are some inconsistencies with this story as well). I just wish the dang official had come and told us he had shortened the race to 7 laps, i sure would have appreciated doing one lap less.

So i introduce the unofficial podium of the 8-lap Cat 3 Antelope Island Road Race:

Matt B.
Alex K.
the artist

The artist made a podium out of pillows and had his own little podium ceremony at his house. I just came home and took a nap because i was tired. So although the artist got beat by his one-legged brother, at least he can count. And he was only really last amongst the finishers because quite a few guys DNFed, so he's really not the very last, just the last of the guys who finished, but as my Dad always taught us, "Bradleys never quit!!"

On another note, it was great to see Steve Kelly at the race (thanks to Steve for the great race photos). I recently met Steve through my oncologist Dr. Jones because Steve also had a bone sarcoma in his hip, which Dr. Jones removed using an experimental surgery that basically saved his leg (you can see Doc Jones and Steve in this video for the Huntsman 140). It's been great over the last few months to get to know Steve and others in the cancer survivor community, and see the passion and dedication they have to fighting cancer and supporting others who face it. I also got to meet Jeff Warren who has been riding his bike from Wendover, NV to the Huntsman Cancer Center for the past ten years to celebrate his life and victory over cancer. His ride is the inspiration for the upcoming Huntsman 140. I've been concocting some ideas to raise money for Huntsman in tandem with the Huntsman 140, so stay tuned.

Someone you know

2011-04-22T07:53:00.001-07:00

I've often heard the expression, someone you know and love will be affected by cancer. My sister was diagnosed with a brain tumor about ten years ago and an aunt and another good family friend were both taken by breast cancer, so i figured that took care of the quota for the Bradleys. Seems lately, however, like cancer keeps raising it's nefarious little head just about everywhere i look. Last night i attended the Honors College Annual Awards Banquet, where scholarship recipients and seniors who are graduating with Honors are recognized. As i left the banquet i walked out with one of the graduating seniors who had taken my writing class 3-4 years ago. We struck up a conversation, i congratulated him for graduating, and he mentioned it would have been a year earlier, but he had been diagnosed with cancer, and so had to take a year off for the chemo treatments. This young man is only 24 years old. I smiled, showed him my prosthetic leg, and we shared that moment of solidarity knowing for the time being, we had kicked cancer's ass!! I walked to my car and enjoyed the sunsetting over the great salt lake out over the west end of the valley.

Recently T-dub's step mom Cort was also diagnosed with ovarian cancer (on top of Tayler's mom who also had cancer; yea, the list just keeps going on and on). She had a hysterectomy this week, and fortunately there weren't any signs of other tumors beyond the cyst they had removed a month or so ago. They're waiting for biopsies to determine the best chemo regiment, but things are hopeful. So Congratulations Cort!! Like you told me the first time i saw you after your diagnosis, you're going to kick some cancer ass and be a survivor!! You're in my family's thoughts and prayers!

Suncrest

2011-04-17T08:02:00.001-07:00

North side: 23:19
South side: 24:15

spring time in the 801

2011-04-15T11:25:00.000-07:00

Means racing in inclement weather.

Photo: Kristin Portolese-Petersen

And lots of grading.

I did finally get my chile and tomato seeds started, though i'm a few weeks behind this year. I figure it may not matter so much, however, since the last two years i haven't planted till the end of May anyway on account of the late snowstorms.

I've also started to get fit for my final "socket" (the carbon fiber mold that actually fits around my leg to which i mount the prosthetic foot). I've outshrunk four sockets already (insurance only covers two), so the one i'm in right now is not too comfortable because i've got about a dozen layers of socks just to keep it fitting snug, but hopefully my residual limb has just about stabilized and i can get into something permanent.

I also just received notification that i was awarded a grant from the Challenged Athlete Foundation for a new cycling prosthesis, so i'm looking forward to working with Joe at Peak Prosthetics to create something for the bike. CAF is a great organization, go "like" their facebook page, add them on twitter, support them, do whatever you can because they do really incredible work with a lot of amazing people worldwide.

My Alma Mater and school pride gone awry

2011-04-08T18:51:00.000-07:00

I graduated from Alta High just over 20 years ago. Recently Alta has received national attention for an incident in which a white student donned a white pillow case that looked an awful lot like a KKK hood at a spirit assembly. Not long after this initial incident, the picture posted above was sent via text message to many of the students at the school by a few of their classmates.
As i've read through the comments on news pages and the blog of a young bi-racial man who confronted this incident face to face, i reflected on my own experience growing up in a majority white community where the reality and consequences of racism were far from my daily experience, and even trivialized by our ignorance. I recently posted some of these reflections on the blog of the Mestizo Arts & Activism Collective, but wanted to post a link here as well because the issue merits the discussion. You can read my post here.

it's funny what we write about

2011-03-27T12:35:00.000-07:00

i realize that for the most part here in this blog i write mostly about my bike and what i do on my bike. Over the last year with the addition of some of the other crazy events that have occured i've added a bit about other things going on, you know, like being diagnosed with cancer and getting my leg cut off, but for the most part, even now that i'm an amputee, i write about riding my bike. I throw other things in here or there, i.e. something about the garden or a little complaint about the papers i have to grade, but i mostly write about riding my bike. The irony of that really hit me this week, see, i'm not really all that good at riding my bike. Actually let me rephrase that, i'm not really all that good at riding my bike fast. T-dub is good at riding her bike fast, but i'm not. I love riding my bike, even though at some point in every race i feel like i want to puke, i love riding my bike. But it's not something i excel at. I excel at teaching. I am an excellent teacher. and i love teaching. The irony, then, that so much of my blog is dedicated to something i'm not really that good at and i almost never write about something i am really good at, hit me this last week when i found out i have been awarded two awards for my work as an educator at the University of Utah. It's a little goofy right, that i don't mind posting my results in the local crit race (i did move up form last place in the first crit to 18th out of a field of 50 or so this last week), but i'm a tad bit self-conscious about posting my teaching accomplishments and recognitions. So, here they are. This year i have been awarded the University Equity and Diversity Award and selected as the UofU Honors College Distinguished Professor of the year.

Ashley, Yamila, me, Heidi, José, Alonso, Marti at the award luncheon for the Equity and Diversity Awards.

I am deeply honored by these awards. They are a tribute to the incredible colleagues, mentors, and students that i have the privilege of working with every day. My heartfelt thanks to those who nominated me. Thank you very much!

Double Century Weekend

2011-03-13T20:14:00.001-07:00

Today marks seven months since my amputation. I'm getting used to life without my right foot. With the prosthesis I can get around and do pretty much everything i did before. Going down stairs is still a little awkard, and it doesn't always fit quite right because my leg is still reshaping itself so by the end of the day sometimes my residual limb gets a little sore, but overall i can't complain. I can still do most of the things i love. Case in point, this weekend i went down to St. George with the artist, Cousin Kevin, and a few other guys to do some riding. Friday we rode from St. George to Zions and back (98.5 miles), and then Sunday we did the Old Highway 191 ride from St. George to Mesquite and back (110 miles) for a double century weekend.

The weather was perfect both days: 70 degrees, light winds, and blue skies. Friday i felt pretty good and even put in a couple of hard efforts to keep up with the artist and Mitch on some short climbs. Saturday was a different story. I was dragging a bit from the get go. It didn't help that Cousin Kevin didn't ride with us friday, so he was pushing it on the front from moment we left the house. I got dropped pretty quickly once we hit Utah hill heading west. On the way back, however, i got a little second wind, and settled into a nice pace up the world's longest, straightest climb. It's only 2-4%, but that damn road heading east from Littlefield to the summit goes on for stinking ever. I was feeling pretty good though, settled into a nice cadence and HR and kept the legs cranking, then about 4 miles from the top I cracked. It took all the energy i had to get to the summit. Fortunately the last 30 miles or so back from the top back to the house were mostly down hill. I definitely found the limits of my fitness and endurance. It felt like Utah Hill was harder than it's ever been, but the artist and the others thought the same, so we surmised it may have been because in the past we've always done the mesquite ride the first day and the Zions ride on the second day.
I was so beat by the time we got back i fell asleep in the tub until I heard kevin yelling at me that we were 30 minutes late for dinner.

The artist in his new DNA Cycling body mapping bibs and jersey. The orange contrast stitching matched the red rock and sand.

R3 on the Utah Hill climb.

Regrouping at the Utah Hill Summit.

My least favorite part of the whole ride, the 15% hill back up to Cousin Kevin's pad. It's only 300 meters or so, but at the end of a long ride, it sucks!

Race season officially started last weekend with the first crit. I rode out with the artist and raced with the B-flight. I felt pretty good for the first 30-minutes, then started to fade a little near the end. With two laps to go i made a stupid mistake, and got caught off the back around the 180 turn, then got stuck in the wind, couldn't close the gap, and got dropped. I placed dead last in the B-flight, but the upside is the only place to go from last place is up.

In contrast to my last place, T-dub had a great first race of the season at the Merco Cycling Classic with her new team Peanut Butter & Co./Twenty12. Her teamie Alison Starnes held onto the the best time for the overall GC after a great TT, and T-dub took 6th overall.

Putting it down in the TT.

T-dub leading out the Blue and White train in the Almond Blossom Road Race.

An open letter to representatives urging them to oppose HB 191

2011-02-16T14:04:00.001-08:00

Dear Representative,

I am writing to urge you to oppose HB 191: Nonresident Tuition Waiver Amendments in the House Revenue and Taxation Committee meeting this friday. If passed, this bill would take away in-state tuition for undocumented students who have attended at least three years of high school in Utah and graduated from a Utah High School. As an Associate Professor/Instructor in the University of Utah Honors College I have had the privilege of teaching and working with quite a few undocumented students over the past several years and can assure you they are not the criminals they are often made out to be. Just this last week in committee meeting testimony we have heard undocumented immigrants referred to as a bacteria that is rotting our country, as invaders, and as criminals.
My experience, however, has been quite different. The undocumented students I know are bright, intelligent, hard working, and engaged young people with dreams and goals just like any of our other students. Most of them did not come here by choice, but were brought by parents who moved here to be in closer proximity to the LDS church, for jobs, or even to provide better educational opportunities for their children. And the students I know are honoring the commitment of their parents by pursuing the goals and dreams for which their parents have sacrificed and worked.
Passing HB191 will not make these students pick up and go back to their home countries, countries with which many of them are unfamiliar. It will only make the dream of getting an education that much more difficult. Please support these hard-working and dedicated young people by allowing them to pursue their educational dreams by maintaining in-state tuition for those who qualify. Please vote against HB191, it does nothing to solve the immigration issue. On the contrary, it only creates more obstacles for the very capable and bright young people who could actually help us develop some sensible immigration policies that address concerns of border security, labor markets, and family stability.

Thank you,

Dr. Matt Bradley
Sandy, Utah

A Valentine's Day Poem

2011-02-14T18:00:00.000-08:00

Here's a poem from a few years back, written as a "bad love poem" exercise (t-dub wanted me to clarify that)!

zero to sixty

overcome am i
beholden to your eyes
searing through my soul
puncturing my heart
spewing the blood of my love for you
over a million pieces of
fragmented dreams shattered in the
aftermath
of the wreck
we called a
relationship
which was really much more like
gunning the engine thinking we could do zero to sixty in a matter of
seconds
and not seeing the brick wall
against which our love
shattered
into a million pieces of
fragmented dreams
and
exploded hearts
bloody, stinking, burning love
in the wreckage of my heart.

Mt. Lemmon

2011-01-20T20:24:00.000-08:00

After spending a little time in Tucson a few weeks ago i couldn't wait to get back to enjoy the warm weather, so with the Martin Luther King Day holiday coming up i booked a flight to go back down and spend the long weekend with T-dub and Trigger and Reggie. When i was there over New Years T-dub and i had attempted Mt. Lemmon, but could only ride the first 14 miles on account of the road was closed beyond that because of the snow and ice. In retrospect that may have been a blessing in disguise. With warm temperatures (high 60s and low 70s) this past weekend, however, we would not be deterred. It has been five months since my amputation and i thought what better way to celebrate than to climb Mt. Lemmon.

Mt. Lemmon is a great climb. Twenty-one miles of pretty consistent climbing with only a few let ups in pitch and a few sections of 10-12% grade to make up for it. It's a beautiful climb that transitions from the desert valley floor up to the ponderosa forests with incredible panorama views in all directions. After you hit the 21 mile mark you've got four more miles of up and down before descending about a mile down to the famous "Cookie Cabin."

I got in friday afternoon and we went out saturday and did the Saguaro National Park loop, then Sunday morning we set out to ride Mt. Lemmon. I felt pretty good the first six miles or so, but as we hit a steeper pitch between miles 6 and 7 i started to fade a little. I kept at it though, and was glad for a few spots between miles 7 and 12 where the slope ease up to 1-2%, even if it was for just a few hundred meters. At about mile 12 the pitch picks up to 8-9% up to mile 14, but i had ridden this before and so was able to set into a fair pace (for a one-legged gimp at any rate) up to mile 14 at Windy Point. Moving past Windy Point we had a few sections of the steeper 12-13% slope, but they are through beautiful hoodoo rock formations that elicited unknown stores of energy from my tired body.

After the hoodoo lookout, however, i was done, but i still had a good 5 miles to go before mile 21 and 10 miles to go before the cookie cabin. T-dub peeled a banana and some fruit snacks and handed them over to me and i managed to slowly work my way those last few miles to the summit. From there we descended down the backside to the Cookie Cabin where Reggie and Trigger and the kids came up and met us for some king size cookies.

After the cookies we jumped back on the bikes and made our way back up to the summit, then started the 21-mile descent. I brought my gopro camera along so we got some footage that i'll try to post up in the next few days, but suffice it to say it's a great, fun descent with some wide, fast turns and curves—a nice reward after the climb up.

Monday we rode out over Gates Pass and out into the desert enjoying the warm temperatures and bright western skies, then rode back into Tucson and enjoyed each others' company at the outdoor seating of a coffeeshop which will remain nameless until we had to head back to Trigger and Reggie's so i could pack up my bags and bike and head to the airport. A short trip i wish i could've extended, but i'll be grateful for what i get!

Bringing in the New Year Tuscon style

2011-01-05T09:25:00.001-08:00

As is tradition, i spent the new year with Trigger and his family. Well, it's not really tradition, but this is two years in a row now that i've spent New Years with them, so maybe it's the beginning of a tradition. Last year i went down to the Baker Ranch to help Trigger look for a bull that i don't think really exists, but a few months back Trigger took a new job as a horse trainer at the Bandalero Ranch, and T-dub was going to Tucson to train for a few months, so it worked out nicely that T-dub and i could drive down together and spend a week with Trigger & Co. before i came back. I was excited to get to some warmer climes and get some miles in, especially when i saw the forecast for the big storm that was supposed to hit SLC. Turns out that same storm front rolled through southern AZ with freezing temperatures, rain in the valley, and a lot of snow up Mt. Lemmon. Despite the relatively cold temperatures and rain, however, 45 degrees still beats 7 degrees, and T and i got some good riding in before i had to come home.

The view west from Gate's Pass

T-dub at Gate's Pass

T-dub at the bottom of the Mt. Lemmon climb

About mile marker 6 up the Mt. Lemmon climb.

By the end of the week the skies had cleared and the temps were climbing again. By Sunday we were able to get out and climb Mt. Lemmon with near 60 degree temperatures. The road was closed at mile marker 14, however, and the last 3 miles from MM 11 to MM 14 were a total clustermuck of bumber to bumper cars on account of the snow, but not in the way you might imagine. It was three days after the storm had rolled through, the roads were plowed and dry. There wasn't a traffic jam high on a mountain road because of nasty weather conditions, rather, it was because all those folks from Tucson who only get to see snow once or twice a year, if that, had decided to drive up the mountain to fill their truck beds with snow to take it back down to the valley. I kid you not!! They were building snowmen on the top of their cars, on the hoods of their cars, in the beds of their cars. They were stringing snowballs on their car antennas. They were sledding down 3 foot road cuts. They were shoveling loads of snow into the beds of their trucks, onto the tops of their cars, and anywhere else they could pile it. T was amused that something that gives Utah drivers so much angst was providing so much excitement and euphoria.

Loading snow into the back of the pick up.

Grid lock at mile marker 11

Overall, however, riding in Tucson, at least this time of year, is great. Although one guy rolled down his window at a stop light to tell me that riding on the white line of the bike lane was illegall and i should ride further toward the curb, Tucson has a great network of bike lanes and biker-friendly road improvements including crosswalk buttons that are actually on the side of the road, within reach of cyclists, rather than all the way up on the sidewalk, and specific bike lanes and bike traffic lights. It's nice to see SLC take some initiative in this direction, but the rest of the valley is appallingly bad for cyclists, either in terms of encouraging cycling as a simple method of transportation or for recreational cyclists. We could learn a few lessons from Tucson.

We spent New Year's Eve playing Rumikub and drinking sparkling cider, then on New Year's Day Trigger had to feed the cattle, so we went over to his work and Riddles got to experience cows for the first time in his little super-suburbia life. He was all tough like he thought he knew how to herd cows, but Dally dog, his mom, had to show him what to do, and even then ultimately he was still kind of a wuss. Too bad Trigger's not on the ranch anymore where we could really teach Riddles what a cow dog is supposed to do. He thinks herding chickens and chasing the other dogs around the back yard is a big deal, but when he came face to face with a bunch of hungry cows, he wasn't quite so sure of himself anymore.

T-dub bucking some hay, she says she bruised her leg lifting that thing up.

Trigger, Dally, Remi, and Cass

Riddles barking at the cows (from a safe distance).

Remi helping feed the cows.

All Riddles needs for fun is a hole in the ground. He loved the fire pit in Trigger's back yard.

Monday morning we loaded up T's stuff and dropped her off at one of her teammate's houses, then the dogs and i hit the road to head back to SLC. I was excited that we were on the road at a reasonable hour because i hadn't driven the stretch from Flagstaff to Panguitch in daylight for quite some time. We only made it to Page before it got dark, but weren't disappointed by the scenery or the sunset. Back when i lived in Indiana for grad school i really missed mountains and big open spaces, and specifically the cloud formations that both of those physical features influence.

We rolled into SLC at about midnight on monday, then tuesday night i went back up to the UOP for some bobsledding. Big change from 60s and sunny to 10 degrees and icy.

And then today i reacclimated myself to winter training in Utah: bad air and ice.

"Red Air Day" in the SL Valley.

Five or six days after the storm, my street is still full of snow and ice.

Best Christmas ever (and what i learned from a botched loaf of bread, a cookbook, and a $7 t-shirt).

2010-12-29T15:07:00.001-08:00

I have to admit Christmas Eve i was feeling a bit down, for some legit reasons and for some not-so-legit reasons. The legit reasons, i had not been able to spend as much time with a very important person on account of some different issues. The not-so-legit reasons, well i have to preface the not-so-legit reason with a little description of my family and one of our christmas traditions. Each year all the individual families in my larger collective family make or put together cutesy little creative gifts for the other families. Usually it is some sort of homemade holiday decoration or a favorite recipe with a little package of cooking utensils, something along those lines. I've never really participated in this tradition until last year when T-dub and I decided to give some of the red pepper jelly i had made, all wrapped up in cute bows and ribbons. So this year we decided to give a loaf of beer bread to everyone. I would make it and T-dub would wrap them up all cutesy again. Now the thing you gotta understand about beer bread is it is incredibly easy to make, pour some beer in a bowl of flour, sugar, and baking powder; put it in a bread pan; cook for 50 minutes; and you're done. No waiting for yeast to rise. No kneading. None of that. Mix and cook, that's it. After a little experimentation I had come up with a honey wheat beer bread that T and i both really liked, it's especially good toasted with an egg in the morning, so she bought stuff to wrap it and i started cooking. What i hadn't accounted for was that four loaves cook in the oven a little differently than two loaves, and well, i overcooked the first batch and undercooked the second batch.

Undercooked beer bread, still all doughy in the middle.

T had left for her family dinner and so i was left to head to my family's christmas eve dinner empty handed, no tasty delicious beer bread to share. I was feeling rather glum about it. To make things worse, when i got to the Flogger and the Artist's house, practically the first thing i saw upon entering the kitchen were three perfect loaves of bread that Reggie had made for dinner.
Family arrived, we had a great dinner, kids chased each other around the house and wiped their snotty noses all over their new toys, but i was missing T-dub and bugged that i had botched the beer bread (how's that for alliteration), so i went and sat down in a front room for a minute just to get a minute away from all the wonderful christmas spirit and enthusiasm (and partially to hide from the embarrassing fact that i didn't have any cute gifts to share with the rest of the fam). At this point each of the families had started distributing their presents and the artist and flogger's girls came in and put a book in my lap, wrapped in a pink ribbon. One look at the title and i was both ashamed and deeply saddened.

Here i was upset i had undercooked a couple loaves of bread when i suddenly felt the real tragedy of Bunny's loss. As i was sitting there starting to feel real grief my brother Luke came in the room to see how i was doing. Again, i felt a bit ashamed and deeply saddened. Here i was feeling the emptiness of Bunny's loss, and my brother, the one who deals with it on a daily basis, came in to check on how i was doing. He asked me how i was doing, said if i wanted to cry, he would cry with me because it was something he had gotten real good at over the holidays, and put his arms around me and gave me a big hug. Yes, we cried together, not the first time and i can't imagine it will be the last.

So i got up out of my pouty chair, followed my brother back into the room where the family was gathered, and enjoyed the time i had with my family because i can always make another batch of beer bread, but i won't be able to get back time with the one's i love, some of whom carry much deeper wounds than i.

Nieces dressed up for the nativity reenactment.

The next day T-dub was determined to make Christmas a great day and make up for the time we hadn't been able to spend together. At this point i should preface the rest of the story by saying neither of us is rich. We don't lack by any means, but we're not rich. As a result we had agreed to not get any big gifts, but to keep it simple. We exchanged stockings and a few other small gifts, and this is when i realized how amazing it is to have someone in my life who pays attention and knows the small things that make me happy. I couldn't help but smile when she handed me my stocking and i handed her the stocking i had for her, and they were stuffed with almost identical goodies.

Our Christmas stockings, both of them topped off with Amano chocolate and RJ's soft raspberry licorice.

As i pulled treats out of the stocking i also pulled out a small, wrapped gift. I unwrapped it and immediately got a little emotional again. T had got me a "Twenty12 Women's Professional Cycling" T-shirt. I know, i know, a t-shirt, right, and last-year's design on sale at that? Not that big of a deal, but for me it meant a lot. Again, it was an incredible indication of how much she listens and cares (we had talked about the t-shirts a few weeks earlier when we both saw a twitter about the team clothing on sale). It was also a meaningful indication that she wants me to be a part of this next endeavor of her life, and i couldn't be happier.

After exchanging gifts we put on our warm weather gear and went out for a little ride. Actually we planned a longer ride, but my chain broke, so by the time i got that fixed we had to cut it short, but nonetheless, it was great to get outside, ride in the sun, and wrap up a wonderful Christmas doing something we both love.

Overall our Christmas wasn't extravagant. It wasn't super fancy or full of expensive gifts. But it was wonderful, the best ever even, notwithstanding Bunny's absence, because it was marked by time spent with the people i love and simple gifts from the heart.

christmas ride with T-dub from matt bradley on Vimeo.

Bend over, put your head between your knees, and . . .

2010-12-24T15:45:00.001-08:00

hold on!!

Yesterday I had the opportunity to give bobsledding a try with the USA adaptive bobsled team up at the Utah Olympic Sports Park. A couple of months ago another amputee connected me to Dave, the guy who heads up the team and has done quite a bit to organize and legitimize adaptive bobsledding with the hopes of someday getting it as a para Olympic sport.

Dave waiting at the top to unload the sled from the truck. Props to Dave for not crashing, i'm glad i didn't get any iceburns my first time out.

Prior to this experience i didn't know a whole lot about bobsledding except you go real fast down an icy track in a big fiberglass sled. It always looked fun, but i hadn't ever given it a second thought until i was invited to slide with the adaptive team and see if it was something i liked. So finally yesterday we connected and i went up and did a few runs.

Dave and Olympic skeleton gold medalist Jimmy Shea and the adaptive sled (notice the "rollbars").

First thing you gotta know about bobsledding is there is the driver, and then there's everyone else. In a two man sled there's the driver and the brakeman. It takes a lot of training and practice and "drive school" before you can drive a half ton sled down an icy track, so you can imagine i was relegated to the brakeman position. You'll also quickly find in the arena of bobsled racing there are a lot more people who want to be drivers, and not very many who want to be brakemen. I quickly found out the reason for this. For the brakeman bobsledding basically consists of: push like the dickens from the start block, jump in the sled, put your head between your knees, hold on, bounce around against the insides of the sled and feel your guts get pulled up through your throat from the g-force, hope like hell your driver doesn't crash, then pull the brake at the end when the driver yells at you to brake (cuz of course you can't see where you are with your head between your knees). Yup, that's it. If you opt to be a brakeman, this is what your view will be like for the entire 50 second ride from top to bottom (except your head will actually be all the way down between your knees):

The bottom of the sled. The two silver levers in between my feet are the brake. Right on the outside of my toes you can see two small handles, those are what you hold onto. The driver chair in this sled is a lot bigger too, with race car style seat belts to keep the driver inside in case of a crash since a few of the drivers in the adaptive program can't walk.

Riding in the back of the shuttle truck with the sled up to the top of the track.

We did four runs yesterday, and by the time i got home later in the afternoon my lower back was so stiff i could barely move. In fact, i didn't know how i was going to bend over to take my prosthetic foot off. Doesn't seem like a short sub-minute run could do that much damage, but i guess the g-forces in the turns and the effort of holding on while rattling around all while doubled over will do that.

When all is said and done, however, it was fun. Even though i couldn't see a thing but the sun and shade flickering off the bottom of the sled, it was an experience, but let's be clear, if given the chance, I'll take the opportunity to learn to drive.

Two of the other guys practicing at the track jumping in the sled after the push.

Because cancer doesn't care how old you are

2010-12-20T18:26:00.000-08:00

Over the past week a few other folks in the local cycling/cancer community (i know, crazy to think we have such a thing, and frightening how big it actually is) have shared the story of young Andreas Knickman with me. At a mere 13 years old Andreas was diagnosed with bone cancer, and is now fighting the disease, going through chemo and all that fighting cancer entails. His mom posts daily updates on his webpage and has suggested how much Andreas loves to read the comments and support others leave on his webpage guestbook.

Fatcyclist is running a little fundraiser for Andreas, with the added incentive of winning a cycling tour in Italy with Andy Hampsten. Go here to read about the contest/fundraiser and make a donation.

End of one season, beginning of another

2010-12-19T15:17:00.001-08:00

The artist after going down on a slick corner while warming up.

Yesterday was the last race of the UTCX 2010 series. I'm a little bummed, since i was out most of the season, you know with the whole amputation thing, i only got to race the last few races, and yesterday, finally felt like i was actually racing, actually in the competition. I wasn't at the front of the pack, but did start to feel like i had a little better fitness and could at least hang in there and keep up. Of course the big joke on me during yesterday's race was the extensive concrete stair run up. Although i get along pretty well in regular activities, stairs are still kind of a challenge for a gimp. First lap i got dropped on the stairs, and then even more so trying to clip in after the stairs. My cleat picked up all the slush left on the concrete making it near impossible to clip in once i jumped back on my bike. After some work, i managed to get my foot in and then reconnect with the group in the first tight turn. Throughout the rest of the first lap I even managed to pass a handful of other riders through some of the technical turns and straightaways. Then on the stairs on the 2nd lap they all came rushing past me again. And so it went. At any rate, i was feeling good, was feeling like i was racing again (albeit mid-pack in the Men's C group), and then with three laps to go my rear derailleur snapped clean in half.

Of course this would have to happen at the point of the course furthest from the pit as well. So i picked up my bike and walked back to the pit, switched bikes, and finished out the race and still managed to not take last place. Here's a vid of the first lap, my derailleur snap, bike swap, and finishing out the race. You can see the stair run up in the first 30 seconds of the vid, and then watch as i struggle to clip in while everyone passes me.

Utah Cyclcocross, race no. 11 from matt bradley on Vimeo.

And so another year is over, another bike season has passed, another semester has ended (though i've still got a good lot of papers to finish grading), and time to take a little break, then start all over again. Usually after the end of CX season i'll take a week or two off the bike, and then start training again for the next year's road season, but since i haven't had much serious training in the last six months, i'm going to forego the break this year and jump right back in. Yes, training starts tomorrow. And now that i've reached my immediate goal, race CX by the end of the season, i've set a new goal: race at the paracycling nationals in Augusta, GA in June 2011.
I know i've got a lot of work to do to get my fitness back, and then learn how to get power out of my residual limb (not to mention lose those extra holiday pounds), but i'm excited about the opportunity and ready for the challenge.

In other great news for the upcoming season, T-dub signed with the professional women's team Peanut Butter & Company/Twenty12. This is awesome, not only because she's now a pro and will get a supply of some of the best gourmet peanut butter you've ever tried (the "Dark Chocolate Dreams" peanut butter is so good you can just eat it with a spoon straight out of the jar), but because she gets to race on a team with so many up and coming riders as well as seasoned pros like Kristen Armstrong who won the Olympic gold medal for the time trial in 2008. Looking forward to making the best of the upcoming year.

racing and grading and riding for righty

2010-12-12T09:56:00.001-08:00

Yes, it's that time of year: the end of CX season and the crux of grading before the end of the semester. Every semester i try to figure out how to maintain the level of work that the students do, but decrease the amount of grading i have to do. So far, i've been unsuccessful, as the pile of papers to grade on my kitchen table can attest.

And this season i obviously haven't been able to race much of the series, but i have been able to race the last two races, and plan on the final race this coming weekend. My results haven't been that great, but i didn't finish last in either race, so at least the one-legged guy isn't bringing in the caboose (just close to it). My fitness is pretty lousy, and the lack of time i've been on the bike in the last two weeks on account of grading hasn't helped any. I'm still a bit sloppy on the dismounts, barriers, and especially clipping in, but i feel like i'm improving. My first race i had a great first lap, sloppy second lap (crashed twice and got my pedal stuck on the bottom of my new foot, wedged between the cleat and the side, rather than clipped into the cleap), and fair third lap. Overall, however, it was great to race again, especially to start racing on the same day as the Cross out Cancer event.

The "Crossbot" riding to cross out cancer!

Big props to Matt Ohran, Melissa Parry, and the O'Learys for organizing the "Cross out Cancer." At last report the event had raised in excess of $25,000 to help fight cancer. If you didn't get a chance to participate, but still want to donate, you can follow this link and make an online contribution. Thanks to Uncle Bob, D. "the brewmaster" C., and everyone else who came out to support.

T-dub even got her MTB out for a lap in the cold!

The artist got some pics of the race (above) and i tried to get some video, but it was a new video camera, so when i pushed the button at the start of the race to record, i actually just set the camera to take one time delayed photo, rather than start the video camera, so all i got was this photo of me trying to get my gloves on as everyone else was trying to get the hole shot around the first corner.

I did get some footage of the "cross out cancer" ride. I know, i know, "stand by me," is a little cliché, but short of including "we will survive," it feels the most appropriate to me right now. Some people say cancer makes them stronger, i dont' know about that, what i do know is this whole experience has brought me closer to the people i love, and others who i'm getting to know and love, and it's the incredible support from my family, friends, colleagues, students, and even strangers, that have made this whole thing bearable, so "stand by me" it is.

Cross out Cancer, UTCX from matt bradley on Vimeo.

I did figure out how to use the camera the next weekend at Ft. Buenaventura, so here's the unedited footage of about six minutes of the first lap. I think i forgot to charge the battery, and the cold doesn't help with battery life, so the camera went dead right before i missed a turn and went right through the course marker tape and lost about four places as i turned around and got back on course.

Utah Cyclocross, Ft Buenaventura from matt bradley on Vimeo.

The river bed section was the worst of this course for me; running is still not my forté and the mix of river rock and sand was no picnic. The barriers were also spaced in a way that made them kind of awkward, i was doing a funny half step between each one. Yesterday i went to Wheeler and practiced barriers for a while, and although my residual limb was getting pretty sore, i finally felt by the end of the time i was there i was starting to get better flow and rhythm. One more CX race next weekend to give it a go, then it's back to training for road.

We're Racing Bicycles!

2010-11-26T09:23:00.001-08:00

Yup! Tomorrow is the day: my first race back after the amputation. Come out and join the fun, and ride your bike in the "Cross out Cancer" fundraiser. I know, it's been stinking cold, but the weather is supposed to warm up quite a bit tomorrow, so get your mountain bike out, bring the kids, the cousins, the college buddies, your significant other, your mother, and do a lap to help fight cancer!!

My fitness is still pretty lousy, but i can clip in and out of my pedal with some level of confidence now, thanks in part to the new mtb foot that the good guys at Emotis put together for me.

New CX and MTB foot, custom made from the Emotis Ibex.

They took the tread off one of my MTB shoes, removed it from the shoe, glued it on the carbon foot plate, then also recessed the foot plate to add an adjustable cleat. I gave it a little go yesterday at Wheeler and found it's a lot easier to clip in and out of, and has a nice overall feel, especially when jumping out of the saddle.

Big thanks to Joe at Peak Prosthetics as well, for fitting the new MTB foot to my socket. Joe also put together a new road cycling foot for me. Since i don't really need to run or walk while road cycling, he went straight from the pylon to the cleat, a speedplay in this case, without a foot.

This obviously eliminates all the extra slop of the plastic foot cover and shoe that i have if i put a road cycling shoe over the carbon foot, and thus increases power. I'm still experimenting with cleat placement a little, but overall it feels great. It gives me a much smoother pedal stroke, especially over TDC when i'm out of the saddle.

As is customary of this time of year, i've given some thought to what i'm thankful for. I have a long list, but, given the events of this past summer, solidly at the top of the list right now is LIFE!!

There are a lot of other things as well, but suffice it to say on this crisp, sunny November morning that i'm extremely grateful to be alive, to look out my kitchen window and see the dogs wresting in the snow and the chickens and turkey strutting around the backyard looking for scraps of food (i'll bet that turkey is pretty grateful to have made it past Thanksgiving as well).

silver linings

2010-11-21T20:28:00.000-08:00

Thanks to some advice from Sam K., i've figured out how to unclip by turning my heel in, rather than trying to turn it out. This doesn't work because of the positioning of the crank arm on the forward stroke of the pedal, but once i hit the bottom of the stroke, i can turn my heel in and unclip without too much problem. Thanks also to the Revolution crew who have helped me with some minor adjustments to my cleat and shoe that have also helped. So with the major obstacle of getting out of my cleat solved, time to race!!

Looks like slowmo, but i'm really just going that slow. It's a lot harder to get your foot over the barrier when you don't have any flex in your ankle, but i'll get the hang of it with some practice.

I've been getting in practice laps here and there between announcing races and though i'm still not in great shape, and don't have much of a run yet, i'm excited to race this weekend, especially considering it's also the "Cross out Cancer" fundraiser for the Livestrong Foundation at Wheeler Farm.

Bring the family, bring the bikes, wear yellow, have some fun while racing bikes (or just taking an easy lap), and support the fight against cancer. There will also be a silent auction in the barn at Wheeler Farm. After the "cross out cancer" ceremonial lap, i'm going to race the Men's 35+C group. This is a shorter race, with guys who are theoretically slower, so i'm hoping to be able to hang in there and put in a good effort. Hopefully next year, after i've been able to develop some better fitness i'll be able to compete back in the 35+B group again.

This past week I also had my first post-amputation follow up screening. Doc Jones did CT scans of my lungs to check for any tumors or irregular growths, and the scans came back clean! So far, so good! I go back again in March for some more comprehensive scans, x-rays, and MRIs of my lungs and leg, and that's the way it will go for the next few years, scans every 3-6 months to make sure nothing that shouldn't be there starts growing again. In the meantime, "We're racing Bicycles!!"

Emigration

2010-11-08T07:13:00.001-08:00

I'm coming up on three months since the amputation this week. Things generally get a little easier and i'm a little more mobile each day. I shrunk out of my first socket (the part of the prosthesis that my residual leg sits in) in about three weeks, so Joe fit me for a new one last week. You can see in the pic below how much extra sock padding i had to wear to keep the socket fitting snug.

So now i'm on my second socket, and i got a new foot which is a little more heavy duty. It's a bit better for walking, but actually not as good for cycling. The design of this foot is a little different, which causes the cleat on the cycling shoe to be positioned further forward in relation to the juncture of the foot and the socket, and this creates a bad angle for maintaining a good, circular pedal stroke. It's most evident when i get out of the saddle to pedal and really have to get over the top of the pedals, even forward a little, to avoid having an awkward transition over TDC. I'm hopefully meeting with some guys from emotis this week, however, to work on some custom road and mountain bike feet. That will hopefully also help with the clipping in/clipping out situation, as i still can't unclip at all with my road shoe, and have just now managed to clip out on the go with my mtb shoe, but only if i really concentrate and crank down on the foot.

Yesterday i rode Emigration Canyon to the top of Little Mountain from my house. This was my longest ride so far since the amputation (3 hrs.) and i was beat by the time i got home. This was probably also due to the 30 mph headwinds i had from the mouth of the canyon back to my house. It was also the first climbing of any sort of done since the amputation (although Emigration is a pretty moderate climb). I decided to try to TT from the bottom to the top just to give myself a benchmark, though it wasn't really a TT since my HR wasn't pegged at my LT, but it was the best effort i could muster given my current state of conditioning. The ride took me 39:50. Not that great, but i guess not too bad for losing my leg three months ago.

Next week i got back to see Doc Jones for my first post-surgery CT scans. Actually he took some CT scans of my leg before i got the prosthesis to make sure the bone graft was healing up correctly, but this will be the first CT scans specifically to check for any more signs of tumors in my lungs and lymphatic system. Although i'm hopeful that we got everything when we cut my foot off, i'm still a bit apprehensive, as i'm sure you can imagine, but here's hoping for the best.

I've also set a specific date for my goal to do a cyclocross race before the end of the season: Nov. 27. This is Thanksgiving weekend, but, to add to the significance, will also coincide with the "Cross out Cancer" Cyclocross weekend. Cross out Cancer is being organized by David O'Leary and Matt Ohran. Matt is the Utah Cyclocross series promoter and David O'Leary is the father of Connor O'Leary, a young and talented cyclist now fighting testicular cancer. This story is a little dated, but you can read about Connor here. After David approached Matt about putting together a fundraiser, Matt asked me if i was interested as well, and of course i said yes. Regardless of whether Lance doped or not (and i'm not saying he did, just saying "even if"), he beat cancer and the LAF has grown to be one of the biggest fundraisers and advocacy groups in the fight against cancer.

My family has faced cancer twice. Just over ten years ago my sister was diagnosed with a brain tumor. She's had two major surgeries to remove the tumor, and underwent chemotherapy as well. She is doing well now, but the danger that it could grow back is always present. And now i've also faced the DB and SDB trying to take over my body, but hopefully we routed their efforts before they could get much of a hold. I'm amazed, as others have shared their stories with me, how many lives cancer touches. Like David O'Leary said to me the other day, if cancer hasn't touched the life of someone very close to you, it will. Often we only hear the tragic stories of those who are diagnosed with an aggressive cancer that quickly takes a life. But i've been consistently impressed with the stories of so many cancer survivors who i've met in the last few months, my sister included, who have prevailed. Cancer is a piece of shit disease, it kills and maims, but i am grateful for the community of cancer survivors and those continuing their battle with whom i am becoming acquainted. These are truly amazing and courageous people making the best of their lives despite cancer's best plans to sabotage them. And i'm truly grateful for the amazing medical personnel at the Huntsman Center who continue to serve me and so many others with professionalism, humanity, and a depth of knowledge and experience.

But i digress, as i was saying, Nov. 27 at Wheeler Farm will be the Cross out Cancer fundraiser to benefit the LAF Livestrong Foundation. The event will include a silent auction in the barn at Wheeler, and then at 12:20, an abbreviated CX bike race with a suggested donation of $15. So bring the family, wear yellow, and come ride your bike to help fight cancer. If you haven't ever tried Cyclocross, this will be a great, non-race, easy ride opportunity to give it a try, as well. If you don't have a bike, well, come out and cheer. Mama Glenn even has a megaphone she'll probably let you borrow, as long as she's not yelling at "Rocky Sweet Pea" to pick up the pace.

And after the fundraiser ride, i hope to race the men's 35+C division for my first race back from cancer. Hope to see you there!!

Bring your A game, because only the best will do!!

2010-10-31T21:20:00.000-07:00

Shrimp Ceviche by Team Fashionista

Wow!! i'm so impressed with the results of this year's Fall Harvest Smackdown. The theme for this year's competition has to be redemption with Team Fashionista making up for their first year tupperware faux pas with some excellent presentations and Team Mo-Rizzle taking away not one, but two trophies after last year's disappointing fizzle!

Team Fashionista's entries (can you tell who's been watching food network)!

I think L-Ro actually wanted to drop the pointer finger and just give the artist the one-fingered salute!

Despite the almost no-show of one of the judges (who will remain anonymous, but is also known to have a huge fear of bugs flying in her ear) who almost slept through the meal and arrived after everyone had finished eating and the votes have been tallied ("what, i'm too late to judge?"), we pulled off a great event, thanks to all the participating teams, Luke who hosted this year, and T-dub, Camstar, and Sher "middle finger" Mo-Rizzle who reorganized the judging and tallied all the votes. Despite some grumblings that the judging had been fixed this year to throw the victories to the Swenson/Romero participants, we had a great time, ate amazing food, and had a fair amount of sweating as a result of the spicy dishes: three different flavors of habanero ice cream, waffles with a habanero steeped maple syrup and whipped cream, fondue, peach habanero triffle, two different version of ceviche, two different versions of sweet potato fries with a habanero dip, chocolate raspberry habanero cookies, mango habanero salmon, and the list goes on and on. Great creativity and great food and some good laughs with the premier of the artist's film JellyMeloned (available soon through a fine video distributor near you).

But most importantly, here are this year's winners:

Best Appetizer:
Team Dink (they chose the name, not me) for the habanero-raspberry jelly spread on toasted baguettes.

Best Drink and Hottest Dish:
Team Vero and Lu for, well the only drink entry, and Lu's amazing chili.

Best Salad:
Team Fashionista for the habanero shrimp ceviche

Best Main Course:
The artist and the flogger for the Waffles served with Habanero steeped cinnamon syrup and whipped cream.

And best side dish and best dessert:
Team Mo-Rizzle for the Habanero-spiced corn and the Peach-Habanero Triffle (which i have to admit was pretty much to die for; spicy, sweet, and creamy all at once).

I'm not sure what T-dub is doing in this photo!

See you all next year!!

Ms. Hannah Bear

2010-10-18T09:51:00.001-07:00

1996-October 18, 2010

Capsicum Chinense

2010-10-15T14:40:00.000-07:00

AKA the Habanero Chile Pepper

Yes, this is your secret ingredient. Spicy as hell, but with a nice fruity citrus flavor this chile adapts well to a variety of dishes. Let's see what you can do.

I have a variety of habaneros for you to choose from including: (from top left) Fatali (not reallly a habanero, but close enough and not quite as hot), Chocolate Habaneros, Peach Habaneros; (from bottom left) Orange Habaneros, Red Scotch Bonnets, 10x Hot Orange Habaneros, and Red Habaneros. Habaneros are ready for pick up now, as well as anything else you want from the garden.

And an important announcement, the venue for this years Fall Harvest Smackdown has been changed for two reasons 1) we have outgrown our house and 2) the artist has finally finished his much anticipated new documentary and it would be awkward for all of us to try to cram into our bedroom to watch it on the only TV we have.

So, this years Fall Harvest Smackdown will be at the Capitalist's house because as you might imagine of a capitalist 1) his house is large and has ample space for all of us and 2) his house has a super fancy home theater where we can watch the world premiere of the artist's new film. If you don't know how to get to the Capitalist's house, let me know and i'll get you his address and directions.

Remember, all dishes must be plated and ready for judging (eating) by 6:30. The rest of the rules can be found at this previous post.

And the secret ingredient is . . .

2010-10-15T14:00:00.001-07:00

Just kidding, I don't have enough turkeys for everyone and do you really think I would reveal the secret ingredient before 5:00 PM?

Two more days!!

2010-10-14T14:07:00.000-07:00

That's right, just two more days till the 3rd annual Fall Harvest Smackdown and only just over 24 hours until the secret ingredient is revealed!! The competition is getting hotter with new teams registering everyday.

So far in contention we have:

Team Fatguyonalittlebike (aka the artist) and the Flogger

Team Vero and Lu

Team Sepy

Team DINK

Team Pneumonia (aka C-Ro and L-Ro)

I've also heard rumors that the suburban cowboy is going to throw his hat in the ring (as long as it doesn't get dusty cuz you know, suburban cowboys really like to keep their ostrich skin boots and beaver fur hats clean), and Dr. A might be participating if she can get over her cold. No word yet from Team Fashionsta. They'll probably be too busy shopping for new clothes. And what about Luke, who will he recruit to help him with cooking, cuz as much as i love him, i'm not sure he can do much better than a grilled cheese sandwich.

It's not too late to register to compete. Just use the comment boards below this post to add your team name and team participants. Details and rules (as well as a good amount of smack talk) can be found at this previous post.

Check in tomorrow at 5:00 for the secret ingredient, which will also be available for pick up at that time (no suburban cowboy, i'm not going to deliver it to your house).

And stay tuned for a possible venue change. It's possible that given the success of this annual event we may have outgrown our small abode.

Clarks TT

2010-10-12T19:45:00.001-07:00

16:54

8 1/2 weeks after amputation.
10 days after getting first prosthesis.

Felt good the first 10 min., then cracked for last half, but a good benchmark for me to measure improvement.

Of course when my HR was at 177, the artist was just cruising along behind me chattin it up.

Love in Action

2010-10-11T16:27:00.000-07:00

Although this summer has been marked by a number of tragedies and challenges, i am always inspired and amazed by the ways in which our communities step up in meaningful and beautiful ways to support each other. This weekend i was privileged to be apart of and witness this more than once. First off, friday evening and early saturday morning was the Run for Bun silent auction/dinner and 5k run. It was great to see so many people come out to the dinner and run to remember Bunny and celebrate her life and all that it represented.

Clare did not win the bike ride, but gets props for being brave and riding her bike and continuing where her mom left off.

First off was the kids' 1 k bike ride. All i gotta say is do not get in the way of Bryson and Summer's kids, cuz they have a competitive streak from here to the far side of Timbuktu, and as cute as they are, they will not hesitate to run you over if you get in their way. They even competed in both the bike ride and the 5k. Check them out in the pic below (in the matching jerseys) leading out the 5k run.

A bunch of the girls from Luke's office donned bunny ears and tails and matching pink socks for the run.

T-dub and Dr. A with Ridley at the beginning of the 5k.

Vero, T-dub, Ridley, Me, Bunny, and Dr. A.

My goal was to walk the 5k, even though i've only had my prosthetic leg for a week. Earlier in the week KSL came out and did this story about the Run for Bun and my goal to complete it.

Video Courtesy of KSL.com

With some great company (thanks Vero, T-dub, Dr. A, and Lu who finished then came and found us), we took a slow pace and i managed to finish in about an hour and 15 minutes. I know that's about an hour slower than the guys who came in first, but turns out i won the "one legged category."

Crossing the "finish line."

Of course, this all couldn't have happened without the incredible energy, time, and efforts of many of Bunny's friends, family, and supporters. I don't know everyone who was involved, so i apologize for not thanking everyone, but i do know that both the dinner and run happened largely due to the efforts of Jenna and the bake-a-holic who put the race together. All the more amazing considering how quickly they pulled everything together and that Jenna just had a baby three weeks ago. Well done ladies!!

No. 4 loves her dad, but she's still not too sure about R3.

After the Run for Bun, i had the opportunity to go to a little league football game for my compadre Daniel. This wasn't just any little league game, however, this was again, a wonderful demonstration of community support and love for Daniel and his wife Katy who is fighting her second bout with breast cancer. When i got to the park at first i was a little unsure how i was going to find Daniel as there were four or five games going on simultaneously. It didn't take long, however, all i had to do was look for the pink.

In a beautiful act of support and solidarity with the Argueta family, the whole team wore pink socks and custom jerseys with pink highlights and the name Argueta on the back of the jerseys (i have to admit i'm a little slow on the uptake and at first thought, "dang, all of Daniel's kids, cousins, and relatives must play on this team, look how many Arguetas there are"). The fans and coaches wore pink t-shirts, the yard markers on the field were painted pink, and pink ribbons and balloons were tied around the park. Again, this all happened because of the love, time, energy, and concern of those who are a part of Daniel and Katy's community, and as Daniel told me, sometimes it's easy to feel alone when confronted with these types of challenges, but acts such as these certainly show us that there are many people around us who do care for and support us.

Despite the challenges Daniel's own family is going through with Katy's condition and the cancer's spread throughout her body, Daniel has always offered his love and support for me through my own little bout with cancer, and to him I am grateful and extend my love. As i've said before, although cancer took my foot, i feel like a "cancer survivor" poser when compared to the trials that others face and the toll cancer takes on their lives and families. Most importantly however, this weekend really illustrated for me how much the little thoughts and actions matter. This is of course something that has been on my mind a lot since Bunny's death and my diagnosis with cancer (because i appreciate all the little things people do for me), but was really highlighted when i had the opportunity to go and support Daniel. Sometimes it seems like a hassle or bother to go and do something like this, but i know it meant a lot for Daniel and for me it was equally fulfilling to have him put his arms around me, thank me for coming and tell me he loved me. Daniel's actions inspired me to tell my own brother Luke that i love him, something i don't think i've ever done.

This weekend also marked two months since my amputation and one week since i've had R3 to help me get around. After the football game i celebrated by going mountain biking with the artist and a few other friends.

I was pretty slow both going up and down. Going up because i just don't have the muscles in my right leg right now and going down because i don't have full weight bearing on my right leg, so i cant' stand over both pedals to get a good center of balance (though i've always been a lousy descender, so now i'm all that much worse). It was great to ride, however, and thanks to everyone who didn't mind riding at a gimp's pace. Even though i'm slow, it helps me to feel some sense of normality to be able to do the things i love.

R3 gets dirty!

2010-10-08T12:31:00.001-07:00

Righty's Robot Replacement (R3) got dirty today. Well, not really, cuz it wasn't that muddy, but we did take the CX bike out for a little spin at Wheeler Farm. My right leg still isn't ready for complete weight bearing so i can't really stand to power up any short, steep inclines, and i still can't unclip, so barriers are out of the question right now, but it was great to ride in the dirt a little. I love riding Wheeler this time of year because all the little single track sections get carpeted in fall leaves.

Of course, you can't really see the nice fall leaves lining the trail in the video on account of the shakiness, but that's what you get when you try to hold your iphone on the handlebars while riding.

Remember, tomorrow is the Run for Bun. If you haven't registered, you can still register in the morning. :)

Righty (or at least Righty's Robot Replacement) rides again!

2010-10-04T09:52:00.000-07:00

So wednesday I saw Doc Jones who, after checking the CT scan to make sure that the bone bridge in my residual leg was healing up well, gave the green light to get fit for my first prosthetic leg. Thursday i went and saw Joe at Peak Prosthetics who cast a mold of my leg so friday i could go back and get fit. Friday between classes T-dub and I went back and Joe set me up with my very first robot leg.

It felt great to be able to walk again, though it will definitely take a little bit of time to get used to. The sensation is a little weird since the weight bearing for the leg now is on what's left of my calf, or more accurately the sides of my calf, as it sits in the socket. That, combined with the flex in the carbon fiber prosthetic foot, kind of make it feel like i'm walking on a trampoline (just not quite as bouncy). Well, walking on a trampoline with one foot, while walking on solid ground with the other, but it's great to be transitioning back to walking and functioning on that level again.

The other simple pleasures that i enjoyed being able to do again are standing and balancing on both legs, and being able to cross my legs. Sounds crazy, but i haven't crossed my left leg over my right for months and to do so was surprisingly satisfying.

First Steps!!

My stump (which T-dub has nicknamed "wade" because she hates calling it a stump) is still a bit tender and sensitive and not accustomed to the pressure of the prosthesis, so it will take a little time to work into being able to walk with a regular gait. For the time being i'm still using one crutch to take off some of the pressure, but it feels great to be walking, and cycling with both legs is even better.

First Ride!!

As soon as we got home friday afternoon we grabbed the bikes and went out for a spin. We're going to have to make a few adjustments to the prosthesis, mainly cutting the back of the socket down behind the knee so it doesn't rub, but overall, pedaling with both legs was great. Again, it's going to take some getting used to, it feels kind of big and clunky and i have a heck of a time unclipping with my right foot (had to take my leg off on one occasion to unclip), but i rode friday, saturday, and sunday, and with each day it felt a little better. Once i get my permanent prosthesis that will hopefully be a little lighter and smaller (around the calf) i think that will help as well. Sunday i got in a little over two hours and 40+ miles with T-dub, my anonymous friend, DDB, and SLC's greatest muralist, and i only tipped over once. Fortunately it was in the grass as we were taking a short cut to get back to a road from the Legacy Parkway and my chain came off. With no tension or momentum i just kind of fell over since i couldn't unclip the right side. Got to work on that!

T-dub, Dr. A., and DDB out for a spin.

This weekend also marked the first race of the Utah Cyclocross series. I rode down to the Draper Equestrian Center Saturday morning with T-dub, then spent most of the rest of the day announcing the races with Bruce B. Although it was weird and a saddened me a bit to ride up to the race knowing that i wasn't racing, especially when i got there and saw everyone warming up, it was still great to be involved and announce the races with Bruce and be on the action a little.

Mark "marlboro" P-Nacky has a new secret training supplement that he's kept on the DL, but i caught this pic of him trying to get a hand up mid-race. Judging by the results, i'm not going to recommend this particular supplement.

The artist came into this race with the lofty goal of not finishing last in his division (men's 35+A). He managed to achieve that castle in the sky ambition by coming in a whole six places from last and only three places down from the notorious MIB (aka the Law Firm of Glenn and Glenn). But lest some think i'm making fun of the artist for setting his goals so high his smallest daughter could step over them without much trouble, i can assure you i'm not because i did, in fact, come in last place in the men's 35+A division last year on a number of occassions when i still had two legs.

My goal for this CX season is simply to race. I don't really have any goals as far as results, hell, i don't even know which category i'm going to race yet. And given the trouble i've had just trying to unclip from my pedal and my total lack of significant training (my right leg looks like a skinny chicken leg right now), this is going to take a bit of work and creative adjustment, but i am determined to race before the season ends. This is true from my brother, the fashionista, as well, who was feeling rather bad this week after he and the artist went out for some CX training and the artist told him he wasn't ready yet, and maybe should keep practicing for a few weeks before he raced.

Skinny, little, chicken leg!

My other more immediate goal is to complete the Run for Bun 5k this upcoming saturday. I imagine i'll have to do it with crutches, but 5k seems pretty manageable. And if you haven't registered for the Run for Bun Dinner & Silent Auction this coming friday night (Oct. 8), or the Family 5k Run/Walk this coming Saturday (Oct. 9), you still have time to do so, but get on it now. Click the link below to register and bring the whole family.

Mark your calendars!

2010-09-27T16:05:00.001-07:00

It's time for the 3rd Annual Fall Harvest Smackdown!! Even though my garden was a bit of a bust this year because of all the extenuating circumstances, i do have a few options for the secret ingredient. This secret ingredient will, of course, remain secret until the the day before the meal. If this is your first time to the Fall Harvest Smackdown, or for those who forgot, here are the rules:

1) dishes will be judged on a) presentation (that means you lose points if you serve your dishes in tupperware) b) taste and c) originality/creativity
2) all dishes must incorporate the secret ingredient
3) extra points will be rewarded for using local products for your other ingredients
4) you must cook as a team
5) finished dishes must be on the table at our house, plated and ready to eat by 6:30 pm.
6) judging will be by peer review

This year the Fall Harvest Smackdown will be on Saturday, Oct. 16. That means I will announce the secret ingredient here on the blog Friday, Oct. 15 at 5:00 pm. At that time they will also be ready for pick up. You are also welcome to anything else you want to take from the garden.

This may or may not be the secret ingredient.

This year registration will be a little different. To register to compete you must post your team name and teammembers to the comment board here on this blog entry. If you are looking for teammates, you can also post to the blog to find cooking partners.

And finally, in addition to the usual fun and good eats of the fall harvest smackdown, this year the artist will be premiering his labor of love: the documentary he has been working hard on since last year's competition. Hopefully he will have a trailer available soon as a little teaser of what's to come.

Last year the Bradley's swept all the fields. Is there anyone who will challenge them this year? Can you take on the the Bake-a-holic or Team Fashionista?

A complete wrap up of last year's competition can be found here.

Transitions . . .

2010-09-26T20:04:00.001-07:00

Three years ago when i started this blog i did so as a means to help me finish my dissertation. Although it was titled "How to Procrastinate a Dissertation," something i was very good at, i actually hoped that holding myself publicly accountable would help me finish. I did post many great strategies for procrastinating (which i was very good at) over the next year as i struggled to finish, but eventually, finish i did. So now two years after i actually finished my dissertation the title "How to Procrastinate a Dissertation," no longer seems apropos. And given the transitions and changes i have been experiencing lately i figured it was high time to change the title of the blog to reflect all these factors. So i now introduce "A Gimp's Guide to the Galaxy!" Its scope is not really as wide as the galaxy, more likely it will focus on the Salt Lake City area and my limited wanderings, and it's not really a guide either, more a public journal of my day to day doings, but i just liked the alliteration, and i am afterall, now a gimp.

Speaking of which, after getting bored out of my mind riding the trainer in the house, and wanting to enjoy the great weather we've been having, i finally took the bike outside this weekend. This is something i should've done weeks ago. We rigged a little "stump holster" from a piece of T-dub's Pika bike carrier that hung from the top tube and into which i rested my stump while i rode. It didn't work perfectly, but it worked enough that i could ride and keep my residual leg up and stable. It was a little awkward at first, but it felt great to get outside, feel the wind in my hair (ok over my bald head), and actually get my heart rate up a bit. I managed to do a few intervals yesterday and rode for an hour, and then today got in a good 90 minutes. I know that doesn't seem like much, but i'm feeling pretty good about it. I even passed a lady today (nevermind that she was in her 50s, riding a mtn. bike equipped with those big mirrors that attach to the handlebars).

This wednesday i go back to see Doc Jones, which will hopefully begin the next transition: getting a prosthetic leg. It's an understatement to say i can't wait. I really want to walk, to be able to carry a plate from the table to the sink or sweep the floor without having to hop. I want to pedal my bike with two legs and be able to stand and sprint or climb and put in a good, hard effort. Hopefully by this weekend, i'll be taking those first steps!!

Why the Tour of Utah should add a pro women's race!

2010-09-25T09:34:00.000-07:00

Because Vroomen (one of the guys who started Cervélo bikes) says so. Well, that's not the only reason, but it is a good one. Vroomen, in an interview with CNN on the Garmin-Cervelo merger, made the case for men's pro teams to support women's teams as well, and even argued that the UCI should support, even mandate, such support. From the article:

"It's quite embarrassing that most big bike companies don't support a women's team," Cervelo chief Gerard Vroomen said by telephone from the Eurobike trade show in Germany. "They'll gladly sell bikes to women, but the sport itself seems quite difficult for them.

"First of all, women's racing is really fun. And it's a matter of respect. If I had my way, the UCI [cycling's international governing body] would order Pro Tour teams to have women's teams, and order Pro Tour races to hold a women's race. Problem solved. It really could be done at little cost with a couple of tweaks."

But that's not the only reason i would love to see the Tour of Utah add a women's race. I have to admit my reasoning is a little seflish. See, i'd love to watch my BFF race right here on her own home turf. T-dub is fast and excels at climbing. I love watching guys try to keep up with her on climbs, and then eventually blow up and let her go as their egos drop with their cadence (i stopped trying to keep up with her long ago). It pans out the same way almost every time without fail. T-dub moving along at her climbing pace catches and passes some unsuspecting guy. The guy, realizing he just got passed by a girl, inevitably will jump on his pedals and sprint past her then put in a good effort to drop her. T-dub just keeps up her constant pace, reels the guy back in, and passes him again. Depending on how much the guy has left, he will try to pass her again, jump on her wheel, or just admit defeat and slow back down to his usual pace. Ultimately T-dub usually beats them to the top of the climb and leaves them gasping and trying to repair their egos.

She did great in the hill stages of the Tour of Walla Walla, the Mt. Hood Cycling Classic, and the Elkhorn Classic, taking 1st place in the climbing stages of each, and taking 1st place in the overall GC at the Elkhorn Classic. She also held her own at Nationals competing against the best women in the nation and keeping pace up the short, brutal Archie Briggs climb, placing 9th overall and 2nd in the U23 division. I have no doubt that she would do well, especially racing on the climbs that she trains on every week if the Tour of Utah were to add a women's race.

In addition, she's improved her overall racing and handling skills racing in Europe this summer. She had the opportunity to race with the U.S. Women's team in Italy and France and then for the Italian team Chirio Forno D'Assolo. It's a big jump to go from racing with a field of 15 women in Utah races, or even 50-60 women at regional races, to racing in Europe with fields of 200 with some of the top women in the world, but T-dub did great and improved with every race, even placing 10th GC at the Tour de Charente Maritime where her team took the team classification as well.

But T-dub is not the only strong woman cyclist from our home state. Alisha Welsh, now riding for the Peanut Butter and Co. Twenty 12 team is also an amazing climber and we're the home to other strong riders like Tiff Pezzulo, Nicole Evans, and Nicole Waansgard. It would be great for all these women to race before a home crowd.

Additionally, with the positive press the Tour of Utah has received, they're in a position to build on this by taking Vroomen's suggestions and adding a women's race. It would be a great addition to the women's NRC calender, filling in the space after the Cascade Classic that is now, effectively, the end of women's NRC racing here in the U.S.

So, come on Tour of Utah, let's give our local girls a stage to show what they've got and bring the level of cycling up across the board.

My new love for two basic home and office furnishings

2010-09-20T17:56:00.001-07:00

As you may recall, the second week after my surgery i started to get phantom pains. In the past few weeks i've done a little more research about phantom limb pain (or PLP as it is often referred to in the medical literature) and discovered that there aren't too many other theories for what causes the pain any better than the two i offered in my initial discussion of the topic. When it comes right down to it, nobody really know what causes it, though the neurologist Dr. Ramachandran from the University of California, San Diego, has developed some interesting theories and techniques for treating PLP. Dr. Ramachandran's theory is that the pain is not caused by frayed or bruised nerve endings or damage in any way to the nerve endings at all (as many previously thought), but rather is created in the mind because of the confusion the brain experiences after the loss of the limb due to a lack of input from the now amputated body part (my layman's understanding of complex neurosciencific theories). It's all kind of crazy. For example, the sensory areas on the brain for the hand and face are right next to each other, so some people with arm amputations can feel phantom sensation on the hand if you touch them on the face. Check out the clips from this BBC documentary on Ramachandran and phantom limb sensations.

So that brings me to one of my new favorite furnishings: a big, long mirror. I've started using mirror therapy to treat my phantom pain. Although i've only been doing it for about a week, it seems to be slowly working.

It's bizarre, even though i mentally understand that my right leg has been amputated, when i watch myself perform the exercises in the mirror, i can feel every movement of my missing right foot as i watch the reflection of my left leg moving in the mirror. I haven't had the immediate relief that some amputees who suffered from PLP experience, but i have noticed a slight relief of the phantom pains over the past couple of days. I should clarify, that before starting the mirror therapy the PLP had transitioned from the short, but brutally sharp pain that i initially experienced to a more persistent and blunt pain. Rather than feeling like someone quickly shoved a knitting needle through my foot, it feels like someone is slowly pushing a ball point pen through the top of my foot. Every night the same pain starts in the same spot. It doesn't bother me much during the day, presumably because my brain is active and occupied with other stuff, but near the end of the day when i start to slow down, and most specifically when i lie down to go to sleep, the pain can become quite distracting. Most research on mirror therapy suggests that it requires 4-5 weeks of daily practice to alleviate or lessen the pain, so i'm hopeful that as i continue to give it a go the PLP will disappear. And although there isn't a lot of research on mirror therapy yet, initial studies, including one conducted by Dr. Jack Tsao at Walter Reed Hospital with amputee veterans from Iraq and Afghanistan suggest that mirror therapy is one of the most effective treatment methods, so i'm optimistic.

Given the simplicity of the treatment for potentially debilitating pain, i'm a big fan of the End the Pain Project, which is dedicated to providing unbreakable mirrors and small "toolkits" to people around the world who have lost a limb as a result of landmines, war, and disease. If all it takes to relieve or alleviate what can be a quite miserable pain is a $15 mirror and a month of daily exercises, this is one of the cheapest and simplest treatments for pain available.

So now on to my other new favorite furnishing: roller-wheel office chairs. A few of the classrooms i teach in on campus are furnished with roller chairs. These make for a great interim prosthetic. I can kneel on the chair and roll around the classroom, from the white board to students working in small groups and back. It's crazy how much simple pleasure even being able to move around in this way provides. There is a great satisfaction in being able to take all the pressure off my left leg and distribute it more evenly between both legs. I can't wait for a regular prosthetic.

Only about a week and a half until i get to go back and see Doc Jones again. He'll do a CT scan on my leg, and if everything looks good, give the go ahead to get fit for an initial prosthesis. I told Joe at Peak Prosthetics that if Doc Jones gives the green light, i'll be heading straight to Joe's office to get fit so he can get going on the prosthetic. He indicated it should only take about a day after he does the measurements to get it made, so with any luck i'll have my new "robot leg" (as my nephew Cassman likes to call it) before the end of the month. Can't wait!!

And finally, i leave you with a message provided by Cousin Todd and his wife Tracy who sent me a couple of T-shirts. This one is my favorite:

Lotoja, the Gut, and the Gimp

2010-09-12T10:09:00.001-07:00

Yesterday morning at about 4:30 am i got up to let the dogs out for a minute, then crawled back under the covers of my warm bed and fell back asleep. Not so for about 1,000 suckers up in Logan. When their alarms went off at 4:30, they had to get up, put on some tight-fitting lycra, and head out into the dark cold to ride the 206 miles from Logan, UT to Jackson, WY.

Notice the fashionista is still smiling in this picture before the race started.

As much as I enjoyed the warmth and comfort of my bed, i have to admit, i had mixed feelings. I've done Lotoja for the past four years with my brother the artist and a number of other cousins, teammates, and friends. In fact, had i been with them, it would have been my 6th Lotoja. But, as you know if you've been following my blog, yesterday marked one month since my amputation. And as much as i seriously considered DC's offer to ride his tandem with me, after an hour on my trainer pedaling with one leg and taking DC's summer training into consideration (which mostly consisted of crashing on his MTB and breaking more things), i decided to sit this one out. As i got updates, pics, and texts from the support crews throughout the day i was bummed i wasn't there, even though i kind of have a love/hate relationship with lotoja (as do most i suspect). Mostly i missed not being with my brothers and other friends, especially the fashionista, since this was his first year.

To his credit, even though he said it was the "hardest day of his life" and he cried 40 times, he finished. Cousin Thomas also put in a great first year ride, finishing in under ten hours.

The artist at the finish in a typical (for him anyway) post-race posture.

But even though i have one leg less than i did a month ago, i'm not done with Lotoja. In fact, i've already started training for next year, and even more significant, so has my dad.

Please allow me to introduce: "The Gut and the Gimp!!"

"The Gut"

"The Gimp"

Next year my dad and I are going to do Lotoja together in under 12 hours. This will take a bit of work because my Dad has about 35-40 pounds to lose (but he has lost about 30 pounds already from where he was about a year ago) and a bit of endurance to build, and i am missing a leg. But i have no doubt we can do it.

I met with Doc Jones about a week ago and he took out the staples on the stump, did an x-ray, and said everything is looking good. I'll go back and see him again in about two and a half weeks, and if he gives me the green light, i'll get fit for my first prosthesis. After meeting with a few different prosthetists, i decided to go with Joe Mahone at Peak Prosthetics. He's doing some real cool and innovative stuff with socket design and has lots of experience working with athletes, so i'm excited about the possibilities. With any luck, i'll get a few CX races in before the end of the season. Although i've still been riding 3-4 times a week on my trainer, it's hard to get any good intensity workouts in with only one leg, so i'll probably come into CX season without much "uummph!", but i'll be happy to just be back on the bike. Regardless of how i race, however, i'm also excited to join Bruce B. as an announcer for this year's cross series. I've been harassing people at the races for years, now they're going to give me a mic and let me do it out loud.

My other immediate goal is to do the Run for Bun 5K on Oct. 9th in memory of my sister-in-law Bunny who was killed earlier this summer when she was hit by a truck while cycling with a group of women. I've never been much of a runner, but i do intend to walk the 5k with my new prosthetic leg. You can register for both the 5k run on Oct. 9th or the silent auction and dinner on Oct. 8th by clicking on the link below. Hope to see you there.

When it rains it pours (no.4) . . .

2010-09-06T21:24:00.001-07:00

. . . and then your basement floods. And then, just when you think the storm has passed and everything is looking sunny again, one of those late summer microbursts will blow in, and if you only have one leg, that microburst will knock your right off your foot, and if you are working on a new dog run in the backyard and just cut some wire fence, you will grab a post for balance and catch your thumb on some of that newly cut wire and fall to the ground while that wire slices a nice gash in your thumb. And then you will sit on the ground swearing profusely in front of your dad and girlfriend. And your girlfriend will take you to the ER, and your Dad will stay and finish the last bit of the dog run you where wrapping up (thanks Dad!!). I mean, seriously, it was the last piece of fencing we had to hang.

But a quick visit (by quick i mean, it actually took 3.5 hours between waiting for each of the different nurses and nurses aids to come in and do his or her respective responsibility; so much for the efficiency of specialization) to the ER, a few stitches, and all is good.

I'm just trying to figure out how to use the crutches now that i can't put pressure on the palm of my thumb.

Simple pleasures

2010-09-04T18:36:00.001-07:00

For the past couple of weeks T-dub has been helping me stick to a pretty good diet since I gained a few extra pounds over the past two months (hard to keep active between two foot surgeries then an amputation). I'm almost back down to my early summer weight, but it's a low sugar diet, and this is the worse time of the year, with all the fresh fruit and tomatoes, etc etc to really be limiting my sugar intake.

But today, I got to enjoy a big, fat peach, strawberry shake.

I've been craving peaches and ice cream all week, and we've got a peach tree full of ripe peaches, so Tay fulfilled my wishes and served me up a shake in the biggest cup she could find, which coincidentally was also my Huntsman Cancer Center cup that they gave me during my stay.

It was fantastic, even if it was sugar free ice cream.

I am happy!

Phantom Pain: two theories

2010-09-01T19:35:00.000-07:00

Before my surgery many folks warned me about the phantom pains and itches that often follow an amputation. Many medical practitioners also told me about specific techniques (such as an epidural) that can help limit these phantom pains. Many medical practitioners also told me that phantom pains tend to be worse in patients who had pain in the amputated limb prior to the amputation. Since i hadn't had a whole lot of pain in my foot besides the pathological fracture and the incision from the two surgeries, and my docs seemed to know what they were doing, i wasn't too worried about it. I mean, a small incision is nothing compared to having your leg smashed between two cars or blown off by an IED.
Well, i've already shared that the epidural didn't work. Immediately as i realized the epidural wasn't working i began to fear that this meant i would have increased phantom pain. Even as i lay there in the post-op recovery room taking deep breaths between monosyllabic pleas to the nurses to do something, my main thought was, "this is going to make the phantom pains worse, damnit!"

The first week after the surgery i had plenty of phantom itches, but no pain. I could deal with the itches, they were annoying, to have that little itch right there on the side of my pinky toe, but in fact have no toe to itch, but they weren't too bothersome, and most significantly, they weren't painful. I was even happy to tell people, "nope, no phantom pains for me."
But then, during the second week after the surgery they started: short, sharp, and painful. i described some of them to the artist and he did this rendition for me.

Pretty accurate, the only thing he missed was to add a bunch of little devils poking the foot in the flames with sharp tridents. Or my least favorite: the sensation that my big toe is being held in a vice grip and simultaneously hit by a ball peen hammer on one side while being torched with a welders torch on the other. It gets so bad at times i want to just cut my foot off, then i remember they already did.

But the real question remains, how can i feel such vivid, and painful sensations in a foot that is no longer attached to my body? I have two theories.

Theory no. 1: Law of contagion and pathologists at work. The Scottish Anthropologist Sir Richard Frazer, in his influential work The Golden Bough: A Study in Magic and Religion, defined a number of different forms of magic, one of them being the law of contagion. Basically, according to the law of contagion, two things that were once connected retain that connection even after separation and thus have the ability to affect each other (yes, this is the kind of incredible and highly sought after knowledge that a PhD in folklore will provide). An example of this is the popular conception of the "voodoo doll," created by attaching a lock of hair from the person in whose image the doll is created, and thus enabling the holder of the doll to inflict harm on the person by inflicting harm on the doll. So, according to my first theory, the law of contagion is at play here, and even though my right foot has been detached from my body, i did sign a bunch of consent forms saying that it could be used for various studies and research. Big Mistake!! So now my leg is being dissected, cut to pieces, broken apart and examined by a team of pathologists and researchers studying cancer and any other number of who knows what else. The problem is, now that i'm conscious, i feel every one of those cuts, stabs, bone breaks, etc. Every time some researcher deep in a lab in the bowels of the Huntsman Cancer center cuts into my big toe to extract a small sample of tissue to put under the microscope, i feel it. And not only do i feel that, i feel every time that small tissue sample is sliced thinner and thinner in order to get it thin enough to be examined under the microscope. I'm ready to go take my leg back, research be damned!

Theory no. 2: the Torments of Hell. In the New Testament Gospel of Matthew hell is described in the following terms: "The Son of man shall send forth his angels, and they shall gather out of his kingdom all things that offend, and them which do iniquity; And shall cast them into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth" (Matthew 13:41-42). Now let me clarify, that i've tried to be a pretty good person. I try to treat others with dignity and respect, and although i fall short at times, i do make this a priority. I certainly have my faults and plenty of "sins," but i try to live in a way that honors all of God's creations. Evidently, unbeknownst to me, my right leg did not share these same priorities, in fact, given by the amount of burning sensations i've felt lately, i'd say my right foot led a downright sinful and iniquitous life, and is now paying the price in the "furnace of fire." Unfortunately, the law of contagion applies here as well, and i feel all the sensations—the burning, wailing, and gnashing of teeth—to which my errant foot is being subjected. I'm not quite sure how my right foot managed to carry on so without my knowledge, but alas, it appears my foot is suffering the fate reserved for those in the inner ring of Dante's seventh level of inferno: to reside in a desert of flaming sand with fiery flakes raining from the sky. Of course, this is even more troubling for me since Dante recorded that this level of inferno was reserved for the blasphemers, the sodomites, and the usurers.

Neither of these theories is completely adequate, however. I have to reject Theory No. 1 because the pains persist through the night, and i can't imagine any researcher so committed to her studies that she is up at 2:00 in the morning slicing cell samples from the cancerous growths in the middle of my foot. Nor can i imagine that the Huntsman Center has the funding to run round the clock shifts of cancer researchers. Of course, it's possible that my foot has been parsed and shipped off to researchers around the world, which would help explain the round the clock phantom pains, but this also is highly unlikely.

And i have to reject Theory No. 2 because i just can't imagine how my foot could have been cavorting about, blaspheming, sodomizing, and lending money at absurd interest rates without my knowledge. I mean, i'm a socialist, i don't even have any money. i tend to give stuff away, so where my foot could have even gotten money to lend in the first place is beyond me.

So, in the end, while the phantom pains continue to shoot down my leg with an electrifying and profanity-inducing energy to a foot and toes that don't exist, i have no plausible explanations. Sorry Sir Frazer and Dante. Though your works were highly influential in their respective eras and areas of study, neither has satisfactorily explained the phantom pains that continue to ravage my non-existent limb. Perhaps what i need is just a good foot massage from Beatrice, but i doubt Dante would take too kindly to that.

Righty's last ride (pts. 1 & 2) and all the beautiful people

2010-08-29T11:05:00.000-07:00

Like i mentioned in another post, the day after T-dub got home from Europe we met with Doc Jones and decided to go ahead with the amputation of my right foot a mere two days later on friday. My brother the suburban cowboy kept referring to a song by Tim McGraw, "Live Like you Were Dying," about all the things we should do with my foot before it went off to the big cancer lab in the sky. Because of the two previous surgeries i hadn't been able to ride my bike a whole lot since the end of June, so one thing i knew i wanted to do was ride again with both legs. I put the word out to a few friends that thursday morning i'd be meeting at Revolution at 7:00 am for "Righty's Last Ride." The artist put the word out to quite a few more people, unbeknownst to me. So thursday morning T-dub and i got up, rolled over to Revolution, and were surprised to find 30-40 people there for Righty's last ride.

We had a good ride out through Draper and back, with more folks joining along the way, and i appreciate the opportunity to ride next to so many great people from the cycling community, both those i know and have ridden with for years, and those i barely know. I appreciate everyone who pulled up by my side to offer encouragement, give references or offer help, or even share their own experiences. It was impressive to see everyone, from some of the fastest guys in the state to my high school humanities teacher, show up to bolster me with their spirits and strength on such short notice. Thanks as well to all of you who didn't hear about the ride till afterwords (i know, one day wasn't a lot of time) or had other commitments, but expressed your desire to be there. Thank you!!

Yes, he was a state champion, and the CX old guy series points leader, but that was all back before he started brewing beer.

A big shout out to Melissa and the whole crew at Revolution who have been incredibly supportive. I've been buying bikes and bike stuff from Melissa for well over ten years now because she knows how to take care of people. Thanks!!

But to all you who came out for Righty's Last Ride, i have a small confession to make. It wasn't actually Righty's last ride. It was, in actuality Righty's second to last ride, see, when i got my surgery schedule and found out i didn't have to be at the Huntsman Center until 2:00 in the afternoon on friday, the artist asked me if i was going to ride my bike up to Huntsman. It hadn't occurred to me before that, but since he mentioned it, yea, i decided i would ride to the hospital. So this time i invited my family to join me for Righty's real last ride. I got up friday morning and shaved Righty one last time (old habits die hard i guess), then ran a few last errands.

At noon Luke showed up to offer his support, then T-dub (who was taking the picture), the artist, the fashionista, and José and I all set out for Righty's real last ride. It was a pretty surreal experience. Here was this leg, that by all accounts, was doing what it was supposed to be doing. It looked healthy! It pedaled and powered the bike forward! and yet, this cancer was growing inside it that had the potential to destroy me!

Righty's last pedal strokes!

The closer we got to Hunstman, the more surreal it became. Our pace was easy, and we were laughing and joking, but right there in my mind i kept thinking, "this is so natural, so normal, so much a part of my daily life, but this is it: the last time i will pedal my bike with both legs, something i have taken for granted my whole life." I am grateful i had my brothers and Ms. Cheetah with me to share Righty's last ride (for real).

When we got to the Huntsman, the artist, the fashionista, T-dub, and José "dropped me off."

Then we found a valet (yes, they have free valet at the Huntsman for patients) to take a group picture. He asked us where we had ridden from, thinking that if the ride merited a group photo, it must have been quite a ways. We told him Sandy. He pretended not to be unimpressed, then the artist, with all his usual tack, pointed to me and said, "he's going in to get his leg cut off now," at which point the valet's expression turned to part horror, part shock. He clearly didn't know what to say to that, muttered "i'm sorry" a number of times and we rode down to the parking lot to find my dad.

After my dad got there, the rest of the group rode home, T-dub and I went in and changed, and then headed up to wait for the surgery. Even though i was scheduled to arrive at 2:00, and they got us into the patient waiting room rather quickly, the surgery rooms were backed up and it wasn't until almost 8:00 that they finally got me in for the surgery. That gave me a lot of time to hang out with my Dad, T-dub, and my leg.

Finally a little after 8:00 they rolled me back to the surgery room and the next thing i remember was waking up at around midnight. I was in the post-op recovery room where the nurses were telling me they were going to "boost" the epidural, which would take about ten minutes, and then once i was feeling ok, take me up to my room. I was feeling a good bit of pain, but waited and waited, hoping the epidural would kick in. It didn't. Finally, after about fifteen minutes i told the nurse (between deep breaths), that i didn't think the epidural was working. I knew this for two reasons: 1) it hurt like hell and 2) i could scratch and pinch both legs and feel it just fine, i had total sensation in both legs (or at least what was left of both legs). The nurses worked quickly to get an IV drip painkiller going, but all in all, i spent about 45-50 minutes between when i came to and the painkiller kicked in. Finally the pain started to subside and they took me up to my room where my Dad, the artist, and T-dub were waiting for me. T-dub almost fainted when they told her it had taken so long because the epidural didn't work and i was in a bit of pain. The artist almost fainted when he saw the pic of my foot in a bowl.
Then the worst part of the whole experience happened. I had to pee real bad, i mean real bad. So after a little discussion with the nurse it was determined that T-dub would hold me while everyone else waited outside and i peed into a small plastic urinal, so T-dub propped me up and held me at the bedside, i held a urinal up to my junk, and the nurse, the artist, and my dad waited behind a curtain ten feet away. Talk about stage fright. It didn't help that every 45 seconds my dad was asking me if i had gone yet. Although i had to pee so bad my teeth hurt, with such an audience, it took me a good six or seven minutes and a bit of coaxing before i was able to relieve myself. Finally, the job done, i was put back in bed, my dad and the artist said good night, and T-dub pulled a reclining chair up to my bed as close as she could and held my hand throughout the night.

The next morning the "pain management team," including the resident who had administered my epidural the night before came to see how i was doing. I told the resident that he was lucky he hadn't stopped by last night when i was in the post-op recovery room because had he done so, regardless of whether i had only one leg or not, i would have punched him hard in the face. He didn't see the humor, but that's ok, cuz i hadn't been laughing the night before either.

Other than that, however, i can't say enough for the hospital staff, Doc Jones and his staff, and all my good family, friends, unirvesity colleagues, students, and the cycling community who have shown me so much support. I had a number of great visitors at the hospital, who certainly made the time pass. In fact, i had to remind Cait, who was having so much fun, that it wasn't a birthday party, i had, in fact, just had my leg amputated.

My nieces signing my cast.

My mom sporting her "Livestrong" hat, just for the occassion. She came to visit twice, though her own health is deteriorating rapidly. Thanks Mom!!

The artist, the fashionista, and DC all stopped by after riding the four canyons. Don't worry DC, i won't tell anyone, you only met them for Emigration and didn't really ride the other three.

All the kids wanted to see the pics of the surgery. It probably didn't help that Ernie couldn't help but gasp, "holy cow!!" with each new picture as she scrolled through them.

Willy made me a new prosthetic foot out of play-doh.

Cait asking if she could eat the chocolate she had brought me as a get-well gift.

But that's ok, because Cait also made me these "guardian monsters" out of the play-doh she brought.

Early sunday morning visitors, i like that Cait wore her jersey, even though she drove to the hospital.

After a few laps around the fifth floor on Sunday with my new crutches, and some stair exercises, they figured i was strong enough to go home and i was discharged before noon.

It was nice to go home, to sleep in my bed, to not have a nurse's aid waking me every hour to check my vitals, and to have so much care and support from so many. I don't know how to begin to express my gratitude. I have felt such an incredible and strong sense of community and love over the past few months, first since Bunny was killed, and more recently after my own surgery. I don't know that i can thank everyone and i'm afraid i'll leave someone out, please forgive me if i do, but i want to try.

Thanks especially to T-dub for being there every step and taking such unbelievable care of me. I can't imagine what Luke is going through because i would be devastated without you. I am so grateful and lucky to have you in my life.

Thanks Dad for doing everything you can to help me through this in every way: financially, and in terms of my overall well being and comfort, and for being there for every surgery to pick me up, take me home, and make sure i'm taken care of. And thanks mom, even though your mind is not what it used to be, i face my challenges with the attitude i do because that's what you and dad taught me to do.

Thanks to the rest of my family, who all help in their different ways, so many of which i'm sure i'm not even aware. Niki for coordinating and communicating; Seth for being a jackass, i mean for his sense of humor (really though, i appreciate Seth for all he has done to support me through this); Luke for stepping up and supporting me, even when he is going through his own challenges that overshadow mine immensely; Miah for wanting to take my big toe skydiving before i lost it; Zach for helping with so many little things including a great meal (actually it was Brenda who made it), but most especially providing me with a photo that brings me to tears of laughter everytime i see it; and Trigger for checking in and keeping up from southern Colorado. Thanks as well to my amazing sisters-in-law and José who have fed me, chauferred me, helped clean my house, and yard, and supported T-dub.
Thanks to my nieces and nephews who decorated my cast something wonderful, came to visit me often, and continue to support me even if it means a get well kiss or good luck rub to the stinky end of my stubbly stump.

Thanks to all my extended family who have sent get well messages, dropped off music, visited me in the hospital and at home, sent food, and even provided or offered medical advice and services. To Bob and Lonnie for the music and visits, to Jim and Shauna for coming by for a pre-surgery visit, to the Parrys for the visits, the food, and the help in the yard, and Grandpa for the steaks. Thanks likewise to Lindsey for enough tasty and healthy food to keep me and Tay well fed for a month, and all of T-dub's family for the visits and help.

Thanks to Leti and Cait who made sure my hospital stay was comfortable as well as my transition home. You two have been wonderful, and although i tease you both (sometimes, just a little) i love you both and am grateful for you in my life. And thanks Leti for braving the insects and biodiversity to help T-dub in the garden. Thanks Lu and Vero for the incredible mole, and everyone who showed up for my 40th with plenty of Virgils root beer. Thank you Ms. Soos for your small and simple, but incredibly meaningful pictures and messages. Thanks all my other friends, even those from afar, who kept up with me and sent me messages of strength and support. Thanks TaLaisa, Eli, and Caleb for the visits, the incredible cookies, and all the other goodies.

Thanks to all my colleagues at the university for all of your support and offers for assistance, from the LEAP program, to the Honors College, UNP, ECS, the Bennion Center, and AMES. I appreciate the concern and support you all have shown, the cards, messages, phone calls, meals, treats, visits, and offers to cover my classes that so many of you have sent my way. Most especially thanks to Marti who, despite her own health trials, has been there every step of the way to offer her support.

Thanks likewise to all of my students who have sent messages, visited, made extra trips just to get me that mango-raspberry boboli smoothie i was craving, and provided a great system of support and love. Thanks to the good folks at Free Minds/Free People for the great care package that kept T-dub and i entertained while i was recovering. And thanks to the Mestizo community for your support and stepping up to take care of things when i was at the hospital or getting scans or tests of some sort or another.

Thanks to the cycling community for all your support and messages. Thanks Gardie for declaring a "matt bradley day" up in PC. Thanks Bryson for looking to hook me up with sponsors and other connections so i can keep cycling. Thanks DC for being an all-around good guy, a great teammate, and an amazing support. Thanks to the Glenn brothers, smartasses they may be, for their support. Thanks Bruce for looking for ways to keep me motivated and involved with cycling, Bart G. for some pre-surgery advice, and Shane for the crutches. Thanks to everyone who came out to "righty's last ride," and offered your support in so many ways, as i mentioned previously in this post. Your presence and companionship carried my spirit and gave me an incredible amount of encouragement to get back on the bike as soon as i can.

Thanks to Doc Backman who initially found the tumor, Doc Jones, Nancy, and all the other incredible staff at the Huntsman who got rid of them, and everyone else who took care of me during my stay.

And finally, thank you to everyone who has offered prayers, fasted, lit a candle, and put my name in prayer circles in the variety of congregations you attend from LDS temples to the Buddhist monastaries.

Though i certainly wouldn't have chosen to lose my foot, i am grateful for the ways in which it has deepened my relationship with so many of you, both those with whom i was already close and those with whom i had more casual relationships. I have seen new sides of my own family members, developed an incredibly deep respect for T-dub, strengthened my relationship with many family and friends, and opened doors to new relationships with many others that i look forward to developing.
I hope i can even begin to repay all the kindness that you all have extended to me. God Bless!!

Twenty five reasons one leg is better than two (from the Pughs)

2010-08-23T16:08:00.000-07:00

Here is a list of the "top 25 reasons for having one leg instead of two" compiled by Kev, Jadi, and Kaya Pugh (with a few additions of my own at the end):

25. Great weight loss plan
24. one less stinky shoe
23. you can't trip over your own feet
22. save money on sunscreen
21. great excuse to not go dancing (T-dub probably appreciates this better than me since i love to dance, but she's mortified to shake it in front of anyone).
20. no one can tie your shoes together
19. five less toes to get stepped on
18. putting your best foot forward is a given
17. can only put one fo0t in your mouth
16. you can only get one cold foot, not cold feet
15. scaling back is in.
14. sympathy from the chicks
13. we can rebuild it, stronger, faster . . . (cue 6 million dollar man music)
12. get to watch people stare at you without trying to stare
11. First in line at Dinsneyland
10. you're one step closer to looking like Mad-Eye Moody
9. get a parrot and an eye patch and you're a pirate (yes, they even sent me these fine accessories in the mail. the parrot is absolutely brilliant).

8. half-price pedicures
7. built in ice-breaker
6. you will never be forced to bunny hop again
5. one less leg to shave (applies to girls and cyclists)
4. with a prosthetic leg, you can kick butt without stubbing your toe
3. with crutches, you're sure to win three-legged races
2. no more matching socks (and i've just double the number of socks i have)!
1. Chicks dig a man made of steel.

And a few of my own:

I get to ride around in the jazzy when i go to the grocery store.

i don't have to get mad at my puppy when he chews up my shoes (as long as he sticks with the right shoe).

Rock Star parking

A Tale of Two Tumors . . .

2010-08-20T17:11:00.000-07:00

. . . and how i lost my right foot, but gained so much.

I provided a little bit of background in one of my earlier posts about my diagnosis with epithelioid sarcoma (or something very closely resembling it), and my surgery to amputate my right foot, but wanted to also share a little bit more about the whole process of becoming a "cancer survivor," as well as the incredible amount of good that has come from this whole experience. As i mentioned in my previous post, i first learned i had a tumor after experiencing pain in my right big toe for a couple of months, and finally going to my Dr. to get it checked on. I'm grateful that Dr. Backman did an x-ray and found the pathological fracture, because i have a good friend who was also experiencing similar pains in his toe and his doc just told him it was probably gout and he ought to get some shoe inserts.

X-ray showing the pathological fracture in the second bone of the big toe.

MRI showing not much where there should be a bone.

Dr. Backman, however, found the fracture, and immediately scheduled a series of other tests, x-rays, MRIs. etc. to check for other signs of tumors in my lungs or other areas. He also immediately referred me to an orthopedic specialist at the UofU orthopedic center. I never did meet with this specialist, however, because after he saw my MRIs he immediately scheduled an appointment for me with Doc Jones at the Hunstsman Cancer Center. I must preface the next statement by saying that the doctors, staff, and nurses, with a few exceptions, in the university system have been incredible. I have an incredible amount of gratitude and respect for their experience, professionalism, and interest in the patient. I also appreciate the speed with which they have attended to me, but in this one case, both the speed and the way in which i first heard the word "cancer" were a bit jarring.
Like i mentioned, Dr. Backman had ordered a number of MRIs and had referred me to the orthopedic specialist. They did a set of MRIs one evening, and then had me come back first thing in the morning for another set with the contrast. After the MRIs i was supposed to meet with the orthopedic specialist to go over what he and the radiologists had seen. I finished the MRI, changed clothes, and was directed upstairs to wait in the lobby for my meeting with with orthopedic specialist. While sitting there, my phone rang and i answered it. On the other end a young man informed me that he was the scheduling assistant for Dr. Kevin Jones at the Huntsman Cancer Institute, and wanted to schedule an appointment for the next morning. This was the first time i had actually heard the word "cancer" used in relation to my condition. The second came about two minutes later when the orthopedic specialist sent his assistant out with a yellow post it and a phone number for Dr. Jones' scheduler at Huntsman. She again told me that the orthopedic specialist was referring me to Dr. Jones at the Huntsman Cancer Institute, told me to call the number to set up an appointment, handed me the yellow post-it, and sent me on my way: the second time I heard the word cancer mentioned in relation to my condition.

I was a little bit stunned. I walked out to my car alone, sat there in the front seat for awhile, then started to drive. T-dub was in Boise because she had stayed there with an aunt and uncle after the Elkhorn Classic to meet with her coach before heading to Bend for Nationals. I knew her biggest race of the year was coming up, so i didn't want to call her and tell her that i might have cancer. But i did call my dad, who was on a cruise somewhere in the mediterranean with two of my brothers for work. I got his answering machine and started to leave him a message about all that had transpired in the last 60 minutes, but before i could even get a sentence out, i just started to cry, i should say balled, cuz it was more than just a teary-eyed cry. I finally calmed down enough to talk coherently and let him know what was up. He called me back an hour or so later and then shared the news with the rest of my family.
The next morning i went and met with Dr. Jones. He explained best case and worst case scenarios (best case: infection; worst case: cancer and amputation) and stuck a big fat needle into my toe to try to get enough of a sample from the tumor to do a biopsy. Unfortunately this didn't work so we scheduled a surgery for the next friday. He also told me that all my other x-rays and scans weren't showing any other tumors or growths in my lungs or other parts of my body, but that there was a 2nd little something in the soft tissue in the ball of my foot that the MRI had picked up. He wasn't too worried about this, however, until we knew what had caused the pathological fracture in my toe.
In the meantime i got to go to Bend to watch T-dub race at nationals and put in an incredible race, placing 9th overall and 2nd in the U23 group. I'm so grateful for this opportunity to spend the weekend in Bend with her.

Next friday rolled around and my dad and T-dub accompanied me to Huntsman for the surgery. Going in i thought they were just going to cut in, get a sample of the tumor for the biopsy, and then sew me back up, but i guess once they got in, got a little sample, and put it under the microscope they were confident enough that it was benign that they just went ahead and scraped it all out and gave me a bone graft to replace the bone were the tumor had decayed it. After the surgery Doc Jones met with my Dad and T-dub, explained the surgery—he compared it to filling in a cavity where the tumor had decayed the bone, so they drilled and scraped it out, and then filled in the missing bone with a bone graft from a cadaver. Here's T-dub's rendition. He also told them that he was 95% sure the tumor was "big cell tumor," that it was benign, and that for the time being he wasn't too worried about the other growth that had shown up in the MRI. He told me to stay off my foot for a couple of weeks, and that he'd call me as soon as he got the biopsy results back.
In the meantime, T-dub was invited to race with the U.S. Women's National Team in Europe and the morning she was leaving for Italy, Bunny was struck by the truck and died. Thoughts of the tumor were relegated to the back of my mind. I was still limping from the first surgery at the funeral, especially because i was wearing nice, sunday shoes that weren't all that comfortable, but that was an irrelevant discomfort in the face of what my brother was facing.
A few days after the funeral Dr. Jones finally called. It had been almost two weeks and he apologized a great deal for taking so long to get back to me, but explained that there was some significant disagreement about what the tumor was.
He explained that two of the pathologists at the Univ. of Utah thought the tumor was a "big cell tumor," basically a benign tumor, but that it had some weird inconsistencies with that diagnosis, so they had sent it off for some second opinions just in case. The second and third opinions came back from some really famous, big name guys (whose names i can't remember) in other states that the tumor was a sarcoma. One called it ephithelioid sarcoma, but since it didn't fit the profile of this either (it didn't knock out the INI1 gene like epithelioid sarcoma usually does) he just gave it a new name (he's that big in the field, he can just make up names for stuff). The other soft-tissue tumor big wig pathologist agreed that it was a sarcoma, but disagreed that it was as aggressive or bad as epithelioid sarcoma. So, as Dr. Jones explained, "this is really frustrating and i wish i had a better answer for you, but you may have cancer, and you may not have cancer, we don't know yet."
We determined that the best course of action was to get some more MRIs, bone scans, and CT scans of the rest of my body, and to get a biopsy of the 2nd thing floating around in the middle of my foot. If the 2nd little growth was the same as the first, then regardless of what we called it, we would know that it was metastisizing and growing, and thus a dangerous cancer. So he scheduled more tests and scans and a second MRI of my foot to get another look at the other growth.
I spent a good amount of time during the next couple weeks in the hospital drinking nasty fluids, getting IVs with contrast and even radioactivity, and sitting and lying in lots of spinning, whirring big machines. I even got to sit on one machine as it took pictures of the radiation as it moved around my ass, kind of like sitting on a xerox machine with your pants down, just a lot more advanced and technical.
At the end of the week after all the tests were done i went back to meet with Dr. Jones. He told me the good news and the bad news: the good news, the rest of my body was clean. No tumors were showing up in my lungs, lymphatic system, or anywhere else. The bad news: the 2nd growth in my foot had increased in size, almost 8x in total mass, since the first MRI at the end of June.

MRI images of the 2nd tumor (S.D.B). First MRI from June is on the left, 2nd MRI from beginning of August in on the right. You can see the tumor has increased in size over those few weeks.

This, he said, most likely meant it was also a tumor, and that the fast growth rate was alarming. We began to talk about different options, including amputation of the right foot to keep the cancer from spreading up the lymphatic system to the lungs. T-dub was still in Europe so i requested that we remove the 2nd tumor, do a biopsy to make sure, and then i could make a decision about the best course of action after we knew for sure and T-dub was home and she and i could talk about it. So we scheduled surgery for the coming friday to remove the 2nd tumor in order to get a biopsy.

The surgery was pretty straight forward, and i was at dinner with some friends later that evening. The most annoying bit was that the incision was on the bottom of my foot, which made walking rather uncomfortable.

This last surgery had been friday morning and T-dub got home from Europe the following tuesday night, so Dr. Jones said he'd try to get the biopsy done by tuesday so that T-dub and i could come and meet with him on wednesday and decide a course of action.
Just an hour or two before T-dub's flight landed Dr. Jones called to tell me he had good news and bad news (it's always good news and bad news with this guy). The bad news was that the biopsy had shown that the tumor number two was in fact the same as tumor number one. I should interject here to clarify that i have since named them D.B. (dirty bitch or dirty bastard, whichever you prefer) and S.D.B. (son of a dirty bitch/bastard). We don't really know which one came first, but i have taken to refer to the big tumor in the toe as D.B. since we found him first, and tumor no. 2 as S.D.B. Anyway, the biopsy confirmed that S.D.B was the same as D.B., and hence the good news: this made our decision making a lot easier. By that he meant to say, it's a lot easier to decide to cut your foot off when you have a more solid understanding that a) the cancer has the ability to metastasize and has in fact done so, and b) it is growing at a rather fast rate. As Dr. Jones explained, regardless of what we call it, and even if we can't totally agree on a specific name, we know it is capable of fast growth and replication, and thus poses a pretty serious danger to the rest of the body unless it is stopped. And the only option for stopping it: remove it from the body. Unfortunately these types of sarcoma don't respond well to either radiation or chemotherapy. I thanked him for the call and confirmed our meeting tomorrow after T-dub was home.
When T-dub and i went to meet with him the next day he caught her up to speed on all of the recent findings (last she had heard from him, he was still 95% sure it was a benign tumor). Although i had given her some information while she was in Europe, i didn't lay it all out there. I wanted to wait until she got home for that. We talked about a lot of the options, again including radiation therapy, but ultimately decided that given the aggressive nature of what was most likely some type of epithelioid sarcoma (or something very similar to it) amputation was the best option. And so, just like that, we scheduled the surgery for friday, a mere three days later. Now a week and a half later, i'm back to teaching at the U., putting some short efforts in on the bike trainer, and mostly being rather impatient with the healing process.

It's odd now to think of myself as a "cancer survivor" (and i say "survivor" with all the hope and optimism in the world that in fact D.B. and S.D.B didn't leave any other little offspring running around in my blood stream to pop up somewhere else). I almost feel like a poser. I haven't had to struggle with chemotherapy or radiation. Every time i went to the Huntsman Cancer center and could walk on my own, without IVs attched to my arms or oxygen tanks following behind me i coudn't help but think that my condition doesn't even begin to compare with what so many others go through. My sister gave me a yellow "Livestrong" bracelot, and i wear it proudly now, but have yet to feel like i've earned it. Like i've earned the moniker "cancer survivor." I had my right leg amputated, but my suffering has been minimal (unless you count the phantom pain and the 45 minutes before the meds kicked in after the surgery when the epidural didn't work).
I lost my right foot, but with the advances of prosthetic technology, i'll be able to live my life with some slight inconveniences, but not much different from how i lived it before i was diagnosed with cancer. But so many aren't as lucky, and i intend to honor those whose struggles eclipse mine (including my brother Luke who lost his beautiful wife this summer), with how i approach this small handicap and how i move forward to live with as much beauty and strength as i can.

Thank you everyone who has sent love and support in anyway over the past few weeks. I intend to write more about the incredible community that i have around me in the future, for you all must be honored for all you have done, but in the meantime, this post has gone on far too long, so hopefully a mere "Thank you!!" will suffice for the time being.

Thank You!

Disclaimer note: although i'm a Dr., as any one of my brother's will be happy to remind you, i'm not a medical doctor and certainly not a radiologist, so i may have drastically misinterpreted the x-rays and MRIs that i posted here. As far as i could tell, those little white dots are D.B. and S.D.B, but i could be totally wrong, so if someone who knows better sees i've made a mistake, feel free to correct me.

Surgery: DISCRETION ADVISED IF YOU'RE MY BROTHER THE ARTIST OR EASILY UPSET BY BLOOD

2010-08-19T11:04:00.000-07:00

It's been almost a week since my surgery, and as much as the big bulky cast drives me crazy, overall i feel pretty good. I asked Doc Jones to take some pics of the surgery, and he handed my camera off to one of his nurses who did a phenomenal job capturing the whole process. Although there's a lot of blood and gore, the whole thing is pretty interesting. i don't understand all the steps, but will try to provide some explanation of some of what i know.

Last message to my leg.

Reminder to Doc Jones to take lots of pics! The surgery team did a great job with that request!

Cutting through the bone. Yea, looks like a sawsall!

Starting to "fillet" the leg with the "amputation knife." They don't actually cut straight across, but rather fillet down the back to keep the calf muscles and skin on the back of the calf, which are then wrapped up to make the bottom of the stump.

Finishing the calf fillet.

Mr. Righty, now detached and hopefully all the cancer with it.

Getting a small piece of bone from the bottom of the tibia for the bone bridge.

Doc Jones then cut out a small piece of bone from the bottom of my tibia (i think it was the tibia anyway, but could have been the fibula), that he ground down to fit between the tibia and fibula still in my leg. Here he's marking it for size.

And here he's inserting it between the tibia and fibula at the bottom of the stump. This bone bridge adds stability to the stump so that the tibia and fibula aren't just free floating around at the bottom of the leg.

Fitting the bone bridge into place.

Drilling the bone bridge into place.

X-ray of the bone bridge and screws holding it in place between the tibia and fibula.

Here another piece of muscle is pulled from the calf and put at the base of the two bones, again to provide extra padding at the base of the stump.

And now the back of the calf is pulled up to make the bottom of the stump. Right now this feels really funny cuz if i touch the bottom of the stump, it feels like i'm touching down by my ankle.

With this technique of pulling the skin and muscle from the back of the calf up over the bottom and sewing it together on the front, there are no incisions or breaks on the bottom of the stump, which ultimately will help in the healing process and help me get up on a prosthetic more quickly.

Bandaging up the leg after the surgery.

My stump about five days after the amputation.

The most amazing, beautiful woman in the world

2010-08-17T09:57:00.001-07:00

So my leg is gone, and now i start the road to recovery, but before i say much about that i want to say how absolutely fortunate i am to have the most amazing and beautiful woman in the world in my life. Tayler "T-dub Cheetah Wireless" Wiles I love you and am so grateful you have been by my side every step of this crazy journey. Thank you!!